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What’s the opposite of dark and twisty?

10 Dec

Because I can’t think of a way to describe how good I feel. When I feel yucky and ick on the inside, I just tell people I feel dark and twisty because it explains so well. But this…it is the opposite of that nasty feeling! So much has happened since I last posted almost a month ago! First (and probably most significant) the Paxil that I started taking 2 months ago for my anxiety has kicked in and I feel so much better. It has been so long since I felt “normal” that I forgot how good it can be. Luckily, the doctor feels that this is only situational and that I’ll be able to come off of it when our financial picture improves and I’m a little less stressed out and scared. For the time being, the Paxil is helping immensely and I feel so much better than I did!

A friend bought Christmas gifts for the children so that Santa wouldn’t forget our house this year. My mom and brother are also helping with Christmas and I am so glad that they are able and willing to do that. I’m getting into the Christmas spirit without spending any money, and when we broke the news to the kids that there wouldn’t be any gifts from mommy and daddy this year, my oldest son said “That’s okay…that’s not what Christmas is about anyway!” Wise words from an 8 year old boy. He is simply amazing.

We spent the Thanksgiving holiday in Tennessee with our families, so that was great. Right after the holiday, I found out that I made 104 on my last exam. (The only thing I missed was 1 bonus point!) I’m doing so well in my class right now, that the finals (one in lab, one in lecture) have little bearing on my grade. I still plan to study, but the pressure isn’t on to make a really good grade on the exams because I’m almost assured an A already.

And then, this week happened. And the good stuff just kept coming and any part of me that still felt dark and twisty was filled with light and hope. (Hmmmm…maybe light and hope is the opposite of dark and twisty?) Monday, my husband had a job interview. He was offered the position that night and started Tuesday morning. Awesome, right? So awesome that I didn’t even stress over finding someone to keep the kids so I could do the school stuff I needed to do this week because I just knew it would work out somehow.

And it did! My BFF (one of them ;) was able to keep Violet for me on Wednesday while I went to school and had my last lab of the semester and took another exam. Violet did wonderfully…much better than me! I was a nervous wreck. I knew that she would be well taken care of, but I worried that she would have separation anxiety or be scared or upset. Of course, she did fine and had a great time!

And then yesterday, I was scheduled to take my TEAS test — the entrance exam for nursing. My friend came over here and kept my 2 youngest kids while I went over to school and took the exam that was my final hurdle before applying to the nursing program. I had to make a 70 to qualify and it was a very difficult test. Luckily there was no waiting afterwards…the computer scores it immediately and they let you know right away what you made. The good news is that I passed with flying colors! I made a 91.2, which is in the 99th percentile. Pretty awesome, I think!

Then when I got home, I found out that the cleaning fairy had made a visit to my house. My awesome friend had cleaned the playroom, putting up all of the toys and even sweeping! My house has been so neglected over the last few weeks that the place is just a wreck. I feel like I’m living in an episode of Hoarders…it is really awful. But that one little area being clean has taken a lot of stress off of me and given me the motivation to really get this house whipped into shape! So much so, that I have already been to the grocery store, made dinner (taco soup), done a load of dishes, and mopped my kitchen/dining/playroom (it’s all in one gigantic room, along with my office) this morning.

And I feel great. The job won’t pull us out of this situation. It’s only part-time, but it’s flexible enough that I can continue school and he can continue real estate. I’m hopeful that I’ll get a job very soon that will help put us back in a better position. Keep praying, but know that there are good things happening and I’m grateful for everyone who has thought of us in the last few months!

 
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Posted in Back to School, Me Stuff, Money/Finances, Parenting

 

Perspective

11 Nov

So I was feeling sorry for myself this morning. I am home alone with all 3 kids today and no vehicle. My husband is doing a special open house for Veteran’s Day, the boys are out of school, and since we’re down to one good vehicle, I’m stuck here. It’s not what I would like to be doing and I figured it deserved a good wallow.

I lounged around in bed until 11am. Complained every time the phone rang, interrupting my movie. Whined about Violet insisting on ‘nuhs’ and finally got out of bed when the movie I was watching ended. It was cold, so I stomped down the hall and turned the heat above my self-imposed max of 62*, grumbling about the expense of the electricity but not caring because I was uncomfortable, dammit, and if I had to be stuck here then I was at least not going to be cold. I stumbled into the kitchen to find that the leftover sweet potato souffle I wanted to eat for brunch was gone except for a very, very small serving. I was irritated by the fact that there wasn’t any meat thawing for dinner, because my husband hadn’t planned ahead. I complained about the amount of time it took my computer to boot and when I finally got on Facebook, all I saw were status updates about Veteran’s Day.

Whoa…

Needless to say, my mood has taken a 180 degree turn. I ate my small serving of souffle, made lunch for my daughter, (the boys had fed themselves already) and called my husband to ask what he wanted for dinner. I threw some stuff in the crockpot to take that responsibility off of him since he’ll be working all day. I walked back down the hall, turned the heat back down and put on some clothes and socks so I wouldn’t be cold. And I said a prayer to thank God for my country and for the men and women who protect us, who have always protected us. We’re stuck at home, so I’m going to find some activities to do here with the kids that will help them learn about the importance of honoring the people who serve our country in the armed forces. And I’m going to be thankful for the ‘problems’ I had this morning, the ones that pale in comparison to the things our veterans have experienced.

Thank you to all of the men and women who put their lives on the line so that I could have the kind of life where my ‘big’ problems are really not so big.

 
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Posted in Me Stuff, News/Current Events

 

PASS

06 Nov

Yesterday, I passed my CNA exam. I am now licensed and ready to apply for CNA jobs. I’m really excited and hopeful! Not only is this a positive step towards getting a job, but it’s also a positive step toward getting into nursing school next fall. One more hurdle jumped.

Next up is the TEAS test. I plan to do that this month and once I’ve passed it, I think I’ve done everything I need to do before applying in January. Assuming I’m accepted, I’ll be starting nursing classes in the fall! I can hardly believe I’ve made it this far…just a few years ago this seemed like such a huge dream and now I’m almost there.

Of course the ultimate dream is still about two and a half years away. If all goes well, I’ll graduate in May of 2013 which seems like a million years away right now. Of course, this point seemed a million years away when I decided to go back to school so maybe it’s not as far as it seems!

 
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Posted in Back to School, Me Stuff

 

Learning to Trust

03 Nov

My silence is deafening, I know. Several people have emailed to check up on me and I so appreciate the kind thoughts and words. Nothing really awful has happened, but there’s not much good, either. My husband’s unemployment ran out and we’re really feeling that loss of income. He’s still teaching, but the small amount that comes in through that doesn’t even come close to paying all of the bills for a family of 5. A lot is going unpaid and I suspect it’s only a matter of time before things become desperate. I pray a lot and hope for things to happen soon. (Want to buy a house? I know a really awesome realtor!)

The good news is that I am taking my CNA licensing exam on Friday. Hopefully I’ll pass and can get a job right away. The money won’t be great, but the work should be available and flexible enough that I can continue school and be home for my kids in the evenings. That’s the best case scenario, especially since I’ll be earning experience in the healthcare field. All of the (non-medical) office jobs I’ve been called to interview for have required full time work during normal business hours, something I can’t commit to right now because I can’t afford to quit this far into the semester. Especially since I had a midterm average over 100 points…I need an A in this very difficult class!

I figured if the CNA thing didn’t pan out, I would just take my one remaining pre-req class in the evening this spring and work at the first place that called me. And then the spring class schedule got released and the only class I need wasn’t available at night and it conflicted with the classes my husband expected to teach. Which creates an additional 2 problems: childcare and transportation. We only have one reliable vehicle now and there’s no way we could afford to pay for childcare the 2 mornings a week we’d have overlapping schedules. But if he didn’t teach, I couldn’t afford to keep going in school. But we can’t afford for me to quit at this point…it was such a catch-22 and I finally just asked God to work it out if He truly was calling me to be a nurse.

Less than 24 hours later, the solution was handed to us. He’ll be teaching 2 classes again, but one is online only and the other is a hybrid that doesn’t conflict with my class schedule. So clearly I just needed to step back and give up the worrying and let God handle it. You’d think I would have learned this lesson by now, but apparently I needed a reminder. (Hey God…could you help me figure out a way to pay the mortgage, too? Thanks! You’re awesome!)

 
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Posted in Back to School, Faith/Religion, Me Stuff

 

Tasty Tuesday — Taco Soup

27 Oct

OK, so it’s not still Tuesday. But yesterday was Tuesday and I threw together a taco soup recipe that was so delicious that I just have to share it!

  • 1 pound ground beef
  • 1 can kidney beans
  • 16oz bag frozen corn
  • 1 small can tomato sauce
  • 1 can petite diced tomatoes
  • 1 can Rotel
  • 1 packet taco seasoning
  • 1 packet ranch dressing mix
  • 1 cup water

Brown the ground beef and drain. Put all ingredients in a slow cooker and mix well. Cook on low for 6-8 hours. Top with shredded cheese, sour cream, and tortilla chips. Super easy and quite delicious…even the kids enjoyed it. I just wish my husband hadn’t eaten all of the leftovers for his lunch today because I would love to have another bowl!

 
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Posted in Food/Recipes, Tasty Tuesday

 
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