After all, what’s not to celebrate about my entrance to this world 33 years ago???  My mom felt it necessary to call and tell me how nightmarish that day was for her…apparently induced labor is unpleasant.  My husband treated me like a princess, which is pretty much how it is every day, but tonight he made me a wonderful dinner and dessert.

The day started off with a trip to Apex where I dropped off clothes to consign.  We checked out Linens N Things to see if their going out of business sale could offer some good deals but it’s too early just yet.  I wouldn’t bother for a couple more weeks at least.  Their best deals were 30% off of draperies but they still had plenty of stock so I’m going to give it a week or two before I check back.  Almost everything else was still only 10% off AND they’re no longer taking coupons so I could get the same thing cheaper at Bed, Bath, & Beyond with a 20% off coupon.  Then we had lunch at TGI Fridays.  I was craving a drink *so* badly but obviously couldn’t get one.  I am not a big drinker but I do enjoy having one now and then, especially on my birthday.  This is the first time I’ve ever been pregnant on my birthday and known it (my first was born 10 days before my 27th birthday and I was about 3 days post-conception with my second on my 30th birthday) so I kind of missed having a fruity silly drink like I normally do!  Then we ran to Target for a few groceries and came home.  I enjoyed some time to myself while my smallest son napped and my husband went to pick up our oldest from school.

When he got home, they all had cards for me and they were so sweet that I cried…darn the hormones!  Then for dinner my husband made one of my absolute favorite dishes…Jack Daniel’s Filet.  There was a place we went to while we weere in college (Spankie’s in Cookeville, TN) that had the BEST JD Filet.  Over the years we’ve tried to duplicate the recipe and haven’t managed it but tonight was pretty darn yummy!  There’s also a butter pecan rum cake awaiting me in the kitchen.  So far I’ve avoided the temptation of it but I may break down soon!

Mostly I am proud of myself for not buying anything unnecessary in our shopping today…I really wanted a total body pillow designed for pregnant women but refrained.  I’m getting better at this “not getting everything I want” stuff but it’s tough!

Usually I love a good roller coaster.  However, the one we’ve been on lately regarding our money situation has been terrifying.  And just when I think we’re OK for a little bit longer, there’s a sudden terrifying drop and we’re right back at the scary part again.  This week things were supposed to be better.  We deposited a check that was going to get our unpaid bills caught up and pay our October mortgage payment.  Only our bank is holding it.  For a week.  Meaning for the first time ever, in the 13+ years I’ve been paying rent or a mortgage, my housing payment will not be on time.  I had to call Progress Energy and Windstream and beg for another week to pay our already past due bills.  They were understanding, but that probably won’t be the case the next time.

I do not understand why the bank is holding our check.  It was from a well known (and still stable!) investment firm.  Our bank is in good shape, according to news reports.  The amount wasn’t huge.  They refused to call and verify the validity of the check.  They said it was based on our account history…that if we had the money in our account to cover it in the event it was unpaid, they’d release the funds to us.  Let’s ignore the fact that we’ve had an account with them for years now.  That we’ve never deposited a check that wasn’t paid.  Nor have I bounced a check.  Of course, we’d never have had that check if we had that kind of money in the account in the first place!  This was supposed to pay the bills.  Instead, it’s being held hostage.  I am sure that some of it is related to the financial mess our country is currently experiencing.  I understand that they have to cover themselves, too.  But I’ve never felt so helpless and angry.  And just when I felt like things were going to be OK again for a little while, I am once again knocked down to my knees and left begging for mercy.

So as much as I love a good thrill ride, this is one I’d like to get off of…so God, if you’re listening, could you make it stop?  Thanks!

I was very down yesterday due to the money stress.  It’s something I’ve tried not to focus on and it’s kind of all hit me at once over the last several days.  But yesterday kind of led me to the breaking point and I really broke down.  My husband and I did some research and figured some things out and by the time I went to bed I was feeling better.  When I woke up, I was determined not to get upset but to trust that things will be OK.

That lasted about 2 hours.

I had decided to apply for WIC.  The kids and I were approved for Medicaid which automatically qualifies you for WIC.  So despite my utter humiliation at the very thought of taking more public assistance (not that I think people who do so are wrong, I was just raised in a manner that made me think it was *just not done* by “good” people…something I realize is not true and I do believe that this situation is exactly why these programs are out there) I took a deep breath and went to the health department.  Signed in at WIC services at 9AM and sat down.  I was finally called about an hour later and told that they don’t see people except by appointment.  I was slightly irritated at the fact that I’d sat there for so long before anybody gave me this info, but figured it was just a slight delay.  Fine…I’ll take the first appointment, right?

The first appointment isn’t until the end of October.  Over 5 weeks away.  No, I am *not* kidding.  I started crying right there in the waiting room.  I felt so defeated in that moment.  Food costs are killing us right now.  We’re saving money where we can, but it’s not enough.  I thought that the milk, cheese, eggs, peanut butter, cereal, and dry beans that WIC provides would really, really help us.  We are going through a lot of these foods right now and with just a few extra ingredients I can make those items stretch.  All of the confidence I’d gained the night before vanished.  The humiliation came back.  I felt like I was starting back at square one.

We still have credit cards, so I guess those will have to pay for food until things start to turn themselves around.  We won’t starve, or even go hungry.  We’re trying to talk to our bank and see if we can get a short reprieve on our mortgage.  I’ve cut back monthly expenses to bare minimums or shut them off completely if they’re non-essential.  We both have resumes out to several places right now and I have faith that something will turn up soon.  Tomorrow is another day, and maybe it will go better than today did.

Seven years ago today I woke up to find the world changed.  My mom called me at about 8:55, right after the 1st jet crashed into the WTC.  I ignored the phone, but the damage was done…I was awake.  I got up, stumbled to the kitchen and turned on the TV.  What I saw there will be forever burned into my memory.  Soon after, the 2nd jet crashed into the WTC, followed by one crashing into the Pentagon.  At about 10:00, the first tower collapsed.  By this point I was in a panic.  I didn’t want to be home alone, but I couldn’t pull myself from the TV to go anywhere.  I couldn’t reach my husband because he was in a training class somewhere.  As far as I knew, he had no idea this was going on.  We were still newlyweds and I just *needed* him there with me.

The rest of the day is really a blur.  I spent most of the day crying and praying and begging for it to stop.  The terror I felt was immense.  It was a nightmare.  I remember thinking that if my daddy were still alive (he’d passed away that spring) this wouldn’t be happening.  Irrational thought.

I still cannot watch footage of that day.  I do not know how I will ever explain to my children what happened without becoming an emotional wreck.  At church last Sunday, they showed a video containing images of September 11 and I broke down sobbing.  Seven years later it still affects me that deeply.  When I see that airplane inexplicably turning to fly straight into the tower, then the burning, the people jumping, the collapse…I am taken back to that day and I am terrified all over again.

My oldest son was born exactly 13 months after that day.  He was the first thing that really made sense in my post 9/11 world, yet I worried about how I could bring a child into such a scary place.  I am grateful that there haven’t been any more major attacks during his lifetime.  I dread the day he comes home and asks what 9/11 was.  I hope it’s not today because I am not sure I could handle it.

Today I will remember the victims of September 11, 2001.  Pray for them.  Ask God to keep us all safe.  And hope that my children never, ever experience the fear I felt that day.

No, no labor for me! Either in the baby birthing sense or the physical sense. It’s been a lazy day and I didn’t even make it into my oldest son’s room to do the clothing sorting I meant to do in preparation for the ultrasound tomorrow. Oh well…I guess it will happen, right? In the meantime, here’s another brain dump!

We did go to church yesterday, and Amy and her husband met us there. We all agreed that it was good, even if the start of the service was slightly intimidating at first! The sermon was something that I especially needed to hear, so I really felt God’s presence there. The kids had fun, we got a $25 gas card, and I felt closer to God than I have in a long time. Even my husband, who has never been a church-goer, enjoyed it and said he’d like to go back. I’m really, really happy about this. I’m sick of being mad at God for the bad stuff in our life and I’m ready to trust that He will help us get everything back together (as long as we’re putting the effort in, too!) if we give him the chance. So I’m really hoping that this church will help us rediscover that faith and give us the confidence we need to move forward.

Tonight is the start of the football season for my personal team, the Tennessee Volunteers. Go Vols!

I really feel for Bristol Palin. I know she must be scared and overwhelmed and being in the media spotlight (which I think is wrong by the way…we need to focus on the candidates and their fitness for office) can’t be easy. Let’s face it, we all messed up to some degree as teenagers. I just thank God that my lapses in judgment weren’t in the national news. Gah. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for her. I just hope that she has a good support system in place. I am also reminded of why I am against abstinence only sex ed. As much as I would prefer that for my children, I know that I can’t lock them in their rooms until I think they’re responsible, mature adults. *sigh* It’s really too bad that’s not an option. (That is a joke! Well, sorta. LOL)

Speaking of that, I must not ignore or change the subject on my 5 year old the next time he asks me how the baby got in my belly. It’s never too early, right? Now to figure out how to approach that issue in an age appropriate and sensitive way. I’m a little queasy just thinking about it! (Smart people, if you have resources, please fill me in!)

Tomorrow is the premier of the new 90210. Today, SoapNet has run a marathon of the original and I’ve been very into it! Yes, I’m 32 years old and reliving high school. If my house was clean, I’d totally have a viewing party tomorrow night, just like we did in high school and college! Instead, I will try to watch it with my husband mocking me and my 2 year old climbing on me. Oh, how things have changed…

Tomorrow is also the BIG day. We will (I hope!) be confirming that our baby is healthy and strong and also finding out whether this is a baby sister or a baby brother for the boys, assuming this baby gives up the goods. My first did not…we had to wait another 4 weeks and have a repeat ultrasound because his position was so terrible that she couldn’t visualize the heart well, much less tell the sex. Our babysitter for tomorrow backed out on us, so we’ll be taking the toddler along. I’m hoping he allows his daddy to enjoy the experience! Luckily I will be unable to wrestle with him. If you could send your prayers and good thoughts to us around 10:30, I’d be most grateful! I’ll be back as soon as I can with the full update.