I have finally sorted through all of the old baby stuff and narrowed down the list of “needs” and “wants” so that I can get a realistic picture of what we have to have.  Clothes were easy…some of the boy stuff can be worn by a girl and we’ve picked things up here and there ourselves.  We’ve held onto most of the big equipment or already purchased it when we found a good deal on something, like the car seat.  The only big thing I don’t have is a swing…and since I lived without one last time I figure I can do so again.  I have a couple of blankets ready to go.  Bedding and nursery decor are things that won’t be changing from the last baby, so we’re all set there.  We have toys left over from the previous kids, so no worries there.  One concern is bottles and other feeding accessories like a My Brest Friend nursing pillow.  I tossed all of my bottles about a week before I found out I was pregnant due to BPA concerns, so they have to be replaced.  But I do plan to breastfeed so even that is not a critical worry.  I can get them when (or if) I need them.  And I can always substitute a bed or couch pillow for the nursing pillow if necessary.

But I do not have a single burp cloth.  Seriously.  I don’t know what happened to them!  I’m sure I gave them away in one of my random organizing fits but every last one of them is gone.  It seems so strange to say that one of the things I really need is burp cloths.  Luckily these are not expensive so I can snag some next time I hit Walmart or Target.  But I am just baffled by the absurdity of it.  I’ve had 2 children, spent the first 6+ months of each of their lives with a burp cloth permanently affixed to one or both of my shoulders, and yet I have NONE.  Neither of them were major spitters, but we did use burp cloths every time we fed them because they always had a little something come back up.  So realizing I somehow got rid of all of them was a shock.  It seems like such a silly thing to say burp cloths when someone asks what we really need.  But there it is…the #1 thing on my “need” list right now is burp cloths.

With less than 7 weeks to go, this is what I’m obsessing about right now.  Because if I focus on the fact that I will be having major surgery and will be a mom to 3 in less than 50 days I may just go insane.

We had a nice holiday at home with our families (a trip that almost didn’t happen because I woke up sick Monday) but I am so glad to be home tonight…and to have a legitimate excuse to avoid traveling for the rest of the holidays.  Though some people acted like I shot their dog when we tried to explain that I was going to be WAY too pregnant to travel home in December, a fact that I thought was pretty obvious by the fact that I’m *having a baby* less than a month after Christmas.  This is NOT new information, people!  But I digress…

Back to the intended topic…chivalry.  Which is really just common courtesy as I see it, but apparently it no longer exists.  On Tuesday I had a regularly scheduled doctor’s appointment to check on the progress of the baby and make sure I was OK to travel for the weekend.  When we got there, there wasn’t a single seat available in the waiting room.  I’d never seen it so packed.  At least one-third were occupied by men who were accompanying their partners.  Kudos to them for making the effort, but is it really too much to expect that at least ONE of them would get off his behind and offer his seat to a woman?  Particularly a PREGNANT woman?  And I wasn’t the only woman left standing.  There is no way I would have let my husband sit next to me while other women were having to stand up.

The same thing happened at a restaurant over the weekend.  The waiting area was full and all of the seats were taken.  Not a single person offered their seat to either me or my mom.  Again, no way would I have allowed my teenager/child/husband to sit while a woman was standing.  It’s mind-boggling.  I haven’t mentioned it lately, but the pain from the pelvic separation has gotten much worse and over the weekend was excruciating due to hours in the car, sleeping in a bed that wasn’t my own, and the fact that I am just reaching that very pregnant and extremely uncomfortable stage.  (My husband commented just the other day on the fact that he caught me waddling, something that I had managed not to do just yet.)  So for me to be forced to stand in these situations was beyond unbearable.

Additionally, there were several occasions where I was in a veryveryvery long and slow-moving line for the bathroom and nobody once offered to let me move ahead.  Six+ years ago, when I was pregnant with my oldest son, I always saw people being considerate of pregnant women in bathroom lines.  I’ve allowed pregnant women to move ahead of me many times.  Do people not do this anymore?  Was my leg crossing too subtle?  Should I break out the peepee dance next time to elicit more sympathy?  What if I make a not-so-subtle cell phone call to my husband and ask if he can bring me a dry pair of undies from the car?

I hate to sound whiny or like I think I deserve special treatment.  I’m actually the opposite most of the time.  I don’t really like to use those special parking spaces for pregnant women and generally prefer to just cope with the every day pregnancy grumbles.  After all, I did make this choice.  But sometimes it all gets to be a bit too much, especially during the holidays or when we’re traveling.  I don’t think it’s too much to ask that others use a little consideration.  On a good day I may just smile, say thank you, and decline.  On a bad day, you’ll probably become my hero.

This pregnancy has been so unlike my others.  So I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that I *look* different, too.  I am one of those weird women who revels in the roundness of my body while pregnant.  Since I’m pretty round anyway, I feel like it’s the only time I look the way I should.  I once had a “friend” tell me I am the only person she knows who looks skinnier when she’s pregnant.  I’m sure there was a veiled dig in there somewhere, but it’s really true.  My PCOS kind of goes into remission and I don’t gain much weight.  The weight I do gain is all in my belly and my body shape really shifts significantly to move a lot of my excess there as well.  My skin clears up.  My hair gets thick and grows a lot faster.  If I’m honest, I’d say that typically my self-esteem improves a lot while pregnant.  (Don’t hate me!)

But not this time.  While my weight gain has stayed low, I think I still have that questionable “Is she pregnant?  Or just fat?” kind of look.  My skin is really gross and nothing seems to help clear it up or cover it up.  My hair fell out in huge clumps for the first several months so it thinned quite a bit and it’s not growing like it normally does.  It has really been a rough time for me in the self-esteem department this time around and I don’t like it one bit.

Normally by this point in my pregnancy, I’m getting shocked looks and “I don’t think you’ll make it that far!” comments when asked when I’m due.  I made a comment to someone the other day about having a baby in January and she looked surprised and told me she couldn’t even tell I was pregnant.  Not really the reaction I want to hear when I’m feeling a bit like a beached whale when I lay in bed and try to watch the TV over my belly.

This is all a new experience for me and I don’t like it.  At all.

Editing to add that the current ads are cracking me up…I’m sure they’re telling me how to get a flat stomach because of this post, but ironically, this is the only time I don’t want one!

I have had a very long week.  Sick child (thought it was pneumonia again, but looks to be just a virus) and lots of other things have kept me busy.  And so it feels like Friday to me…but we still have 2 days to go!  And it’s freaking cold outside…seriously, I live in the south because I don’t like the cold.  Why does it suddenly feel like February when it’s still November???  I nearly started crying when I stepped outside this afternoon and I could smell snow in the air.  (Yes, I’m one of those people who claims she can “smell” snow.)

I did have a wonderful night on Monday, though.  I met a group of friends at the Carolina Brewery in Pittsboro.  I thought it was just a regular girl’s night out, but they bought me dinner, gave me presents, and a HUGE bag of hand me down clothes for baby Violet.  It was a great night and I feel so lucky to have such great friends!

Every Monday morning, I volunteer 2 hours to help in my son’s kindergarten classroom.  It’s hard to wake up, but I’m always so glad when I get there.  I love watching how they learn things so I can bring it home and help him with his schoolwork.  And it’s a great opportunity for me to see how the teacher interacts with the students and how he behaves at school.

This morning, I got up just like every Monday morning and started getting ready.  And then it hit me…the morning sickness that has mostly been held at bay for weeks now came back full force.  I’ve had nausea in the mornings, but nothing like this.  Needless to say, I crawled back into bed and sent my husband in my place.  I envy the women who don’t spend the entire 9 months fighting their gag reflex or severe nausea.  I’ve never been sick enough to be diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, but it’s still pretty miserable.  I think this is one of my biggest reasons for not wanting to be pregnant again!

The worst part?  I pulled a muscle in my shoulder while I was throwing up and now it really, really hurts!  Time for the heating pad…