Have you ever heard of this?  I’d heard of it, but never experienced it.  For more info, you can click here.  Starting with the back pain a couple of weeks ago (which I couldn’t trace to anything…usually it’s due to lifting something I shouldn’t but this time I couldn’t figure out what caused it) I’ve had slowly worsening symptoms of pelvic separation, also known as Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction or SPD. I didn’t want to believe that’s what it was.  I’d never experienced anything like this in pregnancy before and surely I wouldn’t this time!

Apparently not so.  It seems to be related to hormones…and with the wacky hormones I’ve had this entire pregnancy causing acne, hair loss, and more, it shouldn’t be a huge surprise.  But it is.  And it hurts.  If you’ve seen me trailing around the grocery store or Wal-Mart behind my husband, you’ve likely seen just how much pain I’m in when I try to get up and walk around for more than a few minutes.  It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning.  The round ligament pains that I first started having before I even knew I was pregnant have gotten increasingly worse and I have to be very careful to move in a way that doesn’t exacerbate them.  Luckily I am still (mostly) comfortable while sitting.

I am reminded once again of why 3 pregnancies/children is my limit.  Physically, emotionally, and financially.  Pregnancy (even with the boys) has never been an easy thing.  I pretty much stay sick and/or queasy for the entire 9 months.  It improves somewhat as time goes on, but never really goes away.  Then there’s the sheer exhaustion and wear and tear on my body.  I do better than a lot of people I know, but I definitely don’t breeze through it like others.  Emotionally I don’t feel like I’m capable of giving more than 3 kids everything they need from me.  I adore my kids, but let’s face it…they need a LOT.  I only have so much to give!  And financially, well…do I need to elaborate?  Considering our current situation I just cannot ever see us choosing to add another child to our family.  And if we ever do then I think I would prefer to adopt.  It’s something we strongly considered when I was struggling to get pregnant with our 2nd and something I considered again before I found out I was pregnant this time.  I’m not ruling it out, just in case we win the lottery or something!  But truly, I feel done.  And have said so pretty much from the moment we found out I was pregnant.  Except for a few moments of wavering because I couldn’t imagine not doing this ever again, I’ve been pretty sure that this is it.  Not because we’re having a girl this time (though I know that’s what people think) but because I’m just DONE.  I’m blessed by the 3 healthy children I have.  I don’t want to tempt fate or get too greedy.  This is it, and I’m content with that decision.

The ultrasound tech said with 89% certainty that this baby is a girl.  We got another good view a few minutes later and it definitely looked like a girl to me, so I am going with that!  I am overwhelmed by our good fortune.  Even though we’ve experienced some problems getting pregnant and then were faced with some early losses, we are now expecting what appears to be a perfectly healthy 3rd child.  And not only that, but this is the girl I’ve dreamed of having for years now.  Not to say that I haven’t been thrilled with my boys, but somehow it’s all the sweeter because I did have to wait.  I feel blessed beyond measure right now.

And I truly feel like she will complete our family.  I’ve felt like someone was missing and I just didn’t know who.  Now I know, and I feel very content to say that this is my last pregnancy and my last baby.  Unless our circumstances change drastically, I just don’t see me wanting another baby.  This pregnancy has been more difficult for me and I feel that three is my limit as far as meeting each of their emotional and physical needs.  So though I was pretty sure I didn’t want to do all of this again, there was still that tiny bit of doubt.  Now I feel very secure in that decision!

So if you’re dying to see a picture, here ya go.  I can already tell she’s gorgeous!

No, no labor for me! Either in the baby birthing sense or the physical sense. It’s been a lazy day and I didn’t even make it into my oldest son’s room to do the clothing sorting I meant to do in preparation for the ultrasound tomorrow. Oh well…I guess it will happen, right? In the meantime, here’s another brain dump!

We did go to church yesterday, and Amy and her husband met us there. We all agreed that it was good, even if the start of the service was slightly intimidating at first! The sermon was something that I especially needed to hear, so I really felt God’s presence there. The kids had fun, we got a $25 gas card, and I felt closer to God than I have in a long time. Even my husband, who has never been a church-goer, enjoyed it and said he’d like to go back. I’m really, really happy about this. I’m sick of being mad at God for the bad stuff in our life and I’m ready to trust that He will help us get everything back together (as long as we’re putting the effort in, too!) if we give him the chance. So I’m really hoping that this church will help us rediscover that faith and give us the confidence we need to move forward.

Tonight is the start of the football season for my personal team, the Tennessee Volunteers. Go Vols!

I really feel for Bristol Palin. I know she must be scared and overwhelmed and being in the media spotlight (which I think is wrong by the way…we need to focus on the candidates and their fitness for office) can’t be easy. Let’s face it, we all messed up to some degree as teenagers. I just thank God that my lapses in judgment weren’t in the national news. Gah. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for her. I just hope that she has a good support system in place. I am also reminded of why I am against abstinence only sex ed. As much as I would prefer that for my children, I know that I can’t lock them in their rooms until I think they’re responsible, mature adults. *sigh* It’s really too bad that’s not an option. (That is a joke! Well, sorta. LOL)

Speaking of that, I must not ignore or change the subject on my 5 year old the next time he asks me how the baby got in my belly. It’s never too early, right? Now to figure out how to approach that issue in an age appropriate and sensitive way. I’m a little queasy just thinking about it! (Smart people, if you have resources, please fill me in!)

Tomorrow is the premier of the new 90210. Today, SoapNet has run a marathon of the original and I’ve been very into it! Yes, I’m 32 years old and reliving high school. If my house was clean, I’d totally have a viewing party tomorrow night, just like we did in high school and college! Instead, I will try to watch it with my husband mocking me and my 2 year old climbing on me. Oh, how things have changed…

Tomorrow is also the BIG day. We will (I hope!) be confirming that our baby is healthy and strong and also finding out whether this is a baby sister or a baby brother for the boys, assuming this baby gives up the goods. My first did not…we had to wait another 4 weeks and have a repeat ultrasound because his position was so terrible that she couldn’t visualize the heart well, much less tell the sex. Our babysitter for tomorrow backed out on us, so we’ll be taking the toddler along. I’m hoping he allows his daddy to enjoy the experience! Luckily I will be unable to wrestle with him. If you could send your prayers and good thoughts to us around 10:30, I’d be most grateful! I’ll be back as soon as I can with the full update.

Yesterday afternoon my husband picked up my oldest son from school and headed straight to South Carolina to spend some time with his parents who are visiting down there.  I was invited but chose to stay home.  I haven’t been sleeping very well and I thought it would be a good opportunity to catch up on some sleep and do some things around the house.

Well, I still had trouble sleeping and still woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep.  So much for that!  But I did get several hours completely uninterrupted which is always helpful.

And now, instead of doing the cleaning I’d planned on, I’m meeting a friend for lunch in Carthage.  Oh well…this is more fun, anyway!

So while the goals I set for myself are not being met I’m still enjoying the blissful peace of the house.  They’ll be home this afternoon and I’m glad…I miss my boys, all 3 of them!

I have had this window open for a couple of hours now, just trying to decide what to post about. The main thing in my head is the fact that my husband is currently in Asheboro, pitching to a company there in the hopes of picking up some work. I alternate between praying that things go well and feeling like I’m going to throw up from the nervousness.

As for the other stuff bouncing around in my brain, here’s just a sample…

• With the arrival of the new LUSH store in Raleigh at Crabtree Valley, I’ve finally been able to try a couple of bath bombs and LOVE them. Now I want to try their hair color. The idea of my grays becoming bright red is strangely appealing. Has anyone tried it? Does anyone want to have a LUSH hair color party with me?
• I have a hair appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I am anxious to see what she makes of my badly thinning hair. I’ve never had this problem while pregnant…it usually becomes very thick and pretty. Right now it’s dull, thin, and lifeless. Yuck.
• Nobody in town will pierce my nose while I’m pregnant. Which doesn’t surprise me, but there goes my fabulous 33rd birthday gift to myself. Oh well! I still plan to have it done, but it may be a little bit longer. I did find some really cool opal nose screws, though!
• As difficult as 2 year olds can be, this may also be my favorite age. Right now he’s running back and forth from the art table with various pieces of scribbled paper and saying “look, look!” He is SO proud of himself!
• Both boys have requested a baby sister. I hope they’re not disappointed if it’s a brother instead.
• Yes, we do know what causes pregnancy. Yes, we wanted another baby. No, we don’t care what your opinion is. Why do people think it’s OK to comment on this?
• I am excited about the location of the new YMCA, which will open right before the baby arrives. It will be about 5 minutes from our house and I plan to utilize it as soon as I’m cleared for exercise! I just hope our income permits it at that point.
• With just me and the youngest home today, I think wee’re going to go have lunch at McD’s and then head by Shoppes of Steele Street so I can get some *good* chocolate. Must go do something with my nasty hair and maybe put on some make-up…

Yeah, I’m watching the Olympics. It’s the first time my 5 year old has really been old enough to get into it and he’s been enjoying volleyball, gymnastics, rowing, swimming, and more. Personally, I’ve religiously followed the women’s gymnastics because I took and loved gymnastics as a kid. I’ve been very disappointed in the way the judges have scored the American women, though. I think there’s been a clear bias and it bothers me a lot because our gymnasts really deserved better. I guess I should be glad they’ve won the medals they have but it seems like it’s been really unfair from my perspective.

I’ve also watched a little bit of Michael Phelps coverage and my husband and I stayed up Saturday night to see him win his 8th gold. For the first time in my life I found myself identifying more with the mother rather than the athlete. Not that I was ever much of an athlete but as a young person I found it easier to identify with them. Now I find myself watching Michael Phelps’ mom and seeing her pride and joy for her son and I think that one day, I may be the mom of someone who does something truly extraordinary. Not that I will mind if my kids are just ordinary (Grey’s Anatomy reference there) but wow…they have SUCH a future ahead of them and they can DO anything and BE anything now. At their ages, they’re not too old to get involved in anything from swimming to running to gymnastics, and even things beyond the world of sports…politics, academics, the arts…the list is endless now. I feel like my oldest, especially, is on the brink of discovering who he is and where his strengths lie. He is super smart and though he lacks the discipline, really enjoys sports and is also a very attractive child. I really believe he has the capacity to excel in anything he has the desire to pursue. One day I’d love to see him up on that podium, receiving a gold medal.

But I’d also love to see him as nothing more than a typical hard working man who loves his wife and children and treats them well, just like his dad. There’s honor in both paths and heroes everywhere. So while I have huge respect for Michael Phelps and his accomplishments, it’s good to remind myself that there’s so much more to being a success than winning a record number of medals.

All of my hoping was for naught.  By Saturday morning I was very sick, and my oldest had had another “incident” on his bedroom floor.  By Sunday, my husband had it.  My toddler and I seemed to have it the worst, I am still too weak to do much other than lay in bed and occasionally drag myself to the computer, and he is still sleeping up to 20 hours a day and very clingy and whiny.

Luckily I had an already scheduled OB appt today and we made sure the baby was fine and that I was going to survive.  Except for major weight loss (I am now 12 pounds UNDER my pre-pregnancy weight…seriously, don’t hate me…it’s far from ideal at this point!) everything looks fine with both of us.  And, in 3 weeks, we will hopefully confirm the baby’s health via the “big” ultrasound.  And of course find out the sex, though that’s secondary!

In addition to the Trojan, I’ve been kept away somewhat by a stomach bug that hit my oldest Wednesday night, and now my youngest has it. Without going into too many details, both of them managed to announce that they were sick while in the car. Without words, you might say. And let’s just add that for a mama who’s still dealing with some pregnancy nausea and a very over reactive gag reflex, this was more than unpleasant.

Luckily it was over fast with my oldest…there were about 4 straight hours of unpleasantness and then he slept the rest of the night and was mostly OK by morning. The small one seems to be following the same pattern so far, which makes me hopeful that his is mostly over, too. My mom, being helpful as ever, said “Imagine how much fun it will be when you have 3 throwing up at the same time.” I am pretty sure she thinks I’m more than a little insane for wanting more children. (Though I am about 99.999% sure that I’m done at 3.) I was too tired to point out that it was only one at a time…48 hours apart.

Thank God my husband and I haven’t caught it. YET. Me because the last thing I need right now is a stomach bug. Him because he’s dealt with most of the ickiness so I DON’T catch it. If he was taken out of commission, I’d be in trouble. Hopefully it’s something we both had as kids and we’re now immune. A girl can dream, right?

I’m feeling much better these days and I’ve started looking around and seeing all of the stuff that has been neglected while I coped with first trimester sickies and exhaustion.  It’s overwhelming, and I really don’t know how I’ll ever get it cleaned up.  But a friend sent me this, and I had to share it!

Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there,
Ours boasts it quite openly,
The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges are on the doors
I should apologize, I guess
For toys strew on the floor.

But I sat down with my child
And we played and laughed and read
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine,
His eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I’m forced to choose
The one job or the other,
I’d like to cook and clean and scrub,
But first I’ll be a mother.

Author Unknown

When I have to pick and choose which activities I can manage on any given day, the house always comes last.  My kids are so much more fun, anyway!

And now I’m off to clean my master bathroom from top to bottom.  Bathrooms are my least favorite chore, but I’m going to start with the smallest rooms and work my way up.  At least one room a day until I get this house back into presentable shape!  Of course today is Friday and I’ll probably lose steam this weekend, but it’s a start.  With any luck, I won’t be embarrassed for people to see this place by the end of next week.  And I’m thinking about picking back up with the Weekly Challenge.  You may have noticed that it stopped right around the time I found out I was pregnant.  OOPS!  Needless to say, I need that motivator.

So I’ve been on drop off AND pick up duty for school all week.  My husband has been driving back and forth to Lillington and doing training all day long.  We’ve had to do something pretty much every night on top of that, including tonight…I’ll be going to the PTA meeting at school while my husband takes the boys to tee-ball practice.  I think my youngest is getting a cold.  I haven’t been sleeping well between nightmares and a toddler who thinks 11PM is party time.  Plus between the church shooting and some other issues, I’m really just emotionally drained.  I’m coming into that super hormonal stage of pregnancy where *everything* makes me cry, so that doesn’t help matters at all!

I am really looking forward to having my husband home tomorrow to help…but even more, I can’t wait for tomorrow night and having dinner with a good friend.  Girl’s nights out are one of the best ways I know to renew my spirit.  When we lived in Florence, there was a group of us that had one at least once a month and it was SO much fun!  Nothing beats a GNO.