My daughter is still breastfeeding. I am one of the few women in this country who continues to nurse past the first year. (Many women don’t make it past 6 months!) I don’t think I’m better than you. I don’t think it’s the right choice for everyone. And I definitely don’t believe it is necessary. But for me, it is easy, it is healthy, and though the acrobatics and the occasional biting episode are frustrating and make me wish I wasn’t still doing this, I enjoy it. It means I get to sit down a few times a day and do nothing but relax while I snuggle with my little girl. As a toddler, she is on the move and really doesn’t want to spend a lot of time sitting and snuggling so that time spent nursing is special.
In the years since I started breastfeeding, I’ve had good experiences and bad experiences while nursing in public. I am always discreet, but sometimes it’s easier than others. Generally I prefer to sit down in a private space or use a nursing cover but this isn’t always possible. This is for my comfort, not yours. If I nurse in front of you, don’t get up and hide in the corner or make a big show of hiding your face. That embarrasses me much more than the possibility that you might see a bit of my breast, assuming you’re a woman. Simply avert your eyes until the baby is latched on and continue to talk to me as you would if I was eating a snack in front of you. That’s really all I’m doing, giving my baby a snack. If you’re a man, I might ask you to leave the room (or simply mention that I’m going to feed the baby…that’s your cue to leave) or leave the room myself. Trust me, I don’t want you to see me any more than you want to see!
When my younger son was 4 months old, we went to Disney World. One night during a parade he was hungry and I was desperate to find a place to sit and feed him. The only bench available was one right next to an older gentleman. It wasn’t ideal but it was available so I made a beeline for it, only to realize when I got there that I’d left the diaper bag (which had my nursing cover) with my husband. I managed to get the baby latched on with the man being none the wiser and I was so very proud of myself! When he realized what I was doing, he was so sweet and completely comfortable talking to me while I nursed and was very complimentary of my decision to breastfeed my child. It is, to date, the most positive experience I’ve had while nursing in public.
My most negative experience was when two women got right up to my van door trying to see what I was doing in there behind the privacy tint and then proceeded to loudly proclaim how disgusting I was for feeding my child that way in public. Really??? I made the effort to do it somewhere where nobody could see me and that’s still not good enough? To me, it is the most natural thing in the world. God gave me breasts to feed my child. I am blessed with the ability to make plenty of milk to nourish my babies. For me to do otherwise would be silly. (And for the record, I don’t care what you choose to do. That’s your business and your baby. Do what works for you!)
There’s a lot of controversy about nursing in public. In the state of North Carolina, it is a mother’s right to nurse her baby wherever she may be, in any way she sees fit. Nobody can ask you to leave, to cover up, or to stop. I appreciate this because it gave me the ability to nurse with confidence, knowing that if anyone hassled me I could tell them that they were breaking the law, not me. I have never seen anyone nurse in a way that wasn’t discreet. I’m told there are people out there who practically strip naked to breastfeed, but I’d definitely say they’re the exception. Most of the time, people don’t even realize I’m breastfeeding because I look like I’m just holding a baby. There are people who justify their negative opinion on public breastfeeding by exclaiming that using the toilet is natural but we don’t do that wherever we want. Breastfeeding is eating and really has no relationship to an adult using the toilet. We certainly don’t expect others to eat only in the privacy of their own home, so why expect a baby to do so? We make allowances for baby’s in the realm of toileting, anyway. Ever heard of a diaper? How many babies do you know who leave the room to use their diaper?
The moral of the story is that my child’s needs will always come before your hangups. I will do my best to be discreet and keep you from seeing something you don’t want to see, but it is also up to you to behave like an adult and recognize that a baby often has needs that must be met that aren’t entirely pleasant for those around them.
