Of course I’m referring to Hanna and Ike.  Hanna, though scary to me earlier today, has now taken a backseat to Ike.  I am not a fan of tropical weather unless it’s the hot, sunny kind.

My first “tropical” experience came almost exactly 5 years ago when we were living in Hope Mills, just south of Fayetteville.  Isobel hit on a day that I was home alone with my oldest, who was still a baby at the time.  It was terrifying to hear the junk from our neighbor’s backyward pelt the side of the house all day long!  We had moved everything we had inside, parked our vehicle in the garage, and done everything we could to be sure we didn’t leave anything out for the wind to hurl at someone else’s house.  Our trashy neighbors weren’t as considerate.  Their back yard, filled with toys and trash, backed up to our side yard and literally everything out there ended up laying in our yard by the time it was over.  It was a terrifying experience and I have no wish to repeat it…so far, I’ve been lucky.  Even when we lived much closer to the coast in Florence, SC we escaped any of the bad ones.  We may have had some rain, some gusty wind, but never anything that was really scary like that.

So we’re prepared for Hanna’s worst which now appears to be not so bad.  And I’m praying Ike doesn’t turn this direction though I feel horribly guilty about it…if it doesn’t come here, it will go elsewhere.  It feels pretty selfish to hope it affects someone else.  For everyone out there in the area, stay safe tomorrow & Saturday!

No, no labor for me! Either in the baby birthing sense or the physical sense. It’s been a lazy day and I didn’t even make it into my oldest son’s room to do the clothing sorting I meant to do in preparation for the ultrasound tomorrow. Oh well…I guess it will happen, right? In the meantime, here’s another brain dump!

We did go to church yesterday, and Amy and her husband met us there. We all agreed that it was good, even if the start of the service was slightly intimidating at first! The sermon was something that I especially needed to hear, so I really felt God’s presence there. The kids had fun, we got a $25 gas card, and I felt closer to God than I have in a long time. Even my husband, who has never been a church-goer, enjoyed it and said he’d like to go back. I’m really, really happy about this. I’m sick of being mad at God for the bad stuff in our life and I’m ready to trust that He will help us get everything back together (as long as we’re putting the effort in, too!) if we give him the chance. So I’m really hoping that this church will help us rediscover that faith and give us the confidence we need to move forward.

Tonight is the start of the football season for my personal team, the Tennessee Volunteers. Go Vols!

I really feel for Bristol Palin. I know she must be scared and overwhelmed and being in the media spotlight (which I think is wrong by the way…we need to focus on the candidates and their fitness for office) can’t be easy. Let’s face it, we all messed up to some degree as teenagers. I just thank God that my lapses in judgment weren’t in the national news. Gah. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for her. I just hope that she has a good support system in place. I am also reminded of why I am against abstinence only sex ed. As much as I would prefer that for my children, I know that I can’t lock them in their rooms until I think they’re responsible, mature adults. *sigh* It’s really too bad that’s not an option. (That is a joke! Well, sorta. LOL)

Speaking of that, I must not ignore or change the subject on my 5 year old the next time he asks me how the baby got in my belly. It’s never too early, right? Now to figure out how to approach that issue in an age appropriate and sensitive way. I’m a little queasy just thinking about it! (Smart people, if you have resources, please fill me in!)

Tomorrow is the premier of the new 90210. Today, SoapNet has run a marathon of the original and I’ve been very into it! Yes, I’m 32 years old and reliving high school. If my house was clean, I’d totally have a viewing party tomorrow night, just like we did in high school and college! Instead, I will try to watch it with my husband mocking me and my 2 year old climbing on me. Oh, how things have changed…

Tomorrow is also the BIG day. We will (I hope!) be confirming that our baby is healthy and strong and also finding out whether this is a baby sister or a baby brother for the boys, assuming this baby gives up the goods. My first did not…we had to wait another 4 weeks and have a repeat ultrasound because his position was so terrible that she couldn’t visualize the heart well, much less tell the sex. Our babysitter for tomorrow backed out on us, so we’ll be taking the toddler along. I’m hoping he allows his daddy to enjoy the experience! Luckily I will be unable to wrestle with him. If you could send your prayers and good thoughts to us around 10:30, I’d be most grateful! I’ll be back as soon as I can with the full update.

This is my 2nd post today…and if you only read one post, I’d rather you read the other one! So if you’re not interested in the political babble, please scroll down and read that one instead.

I am blown away by McCain’s VP choice. He has either just won or just lost the election. Wow. Bold move is an understatement. And I have to say that I am thrilled by the fact that for once this country will have someone other than two white men in those top offices. One way or another, history is being made. Either we will have an African American president or a female vice president. It’s exciting and I’m so thrilled to see it! Is it strange that I’m considering scheduling my c-section on January 20th so I can tell this child that the day he or she was born was a historic day for our country?

But I have to be honest…I see this as a move designed to garner the votes of the Hillary supporters who are still undecided. And I’m not sure it will work. Because Sarah Palin’s conservative values are polar opposites of Clinton’s liberal values. And I am sure that a lot of people will see it as pandering and be turned off by it. So if that was his aim, I think it hurts more than it helps.

I also think that when you take his age and past health issues into consideration her extreme lack of experience is scary. And considering that’s been one of the main criticisms of Obama, the irony is staggering. Her political experience is limited to terms on the city council and as mayor to a city smaller than Sanford, and she is (I think) only halfway through her first term as governor to the least populated state in the country. Wow. Her approval rating there is high, but I still think she lacks the experience to step in as president should McCain become unable to perform the duties of the office. And let’s face it…his age has been a big concern for a lot of people. Just as Obama’s lack of experience is a big concern. Now you have both problems on one ticket! Was that a good move?

And I’m going to be judgmental and sexist here, but I do not believe that a woman with a 4 month old baby who has special needs should be considering a job such as VP of the US. Frankly, a man shouldn’t either. And not knowing the extent to which he is affected both medically and cognitively by his Down’s Syndrome (and they may not know for several years) I worry about her ability to be both an effective parent AND an effective VP of the most powerful nation in the world. And please don’t assume that I am saying that women shouldn’t work, or women with babies shouldn’t work, or that women with babies with special needs shouldn’t work…I am saying that the VP position (and remember, she will be first in line to be the president!) appears to me to be a very important and demanding job. As a mother myself, I cannot imagine pursuing something like that with an infant, much less one with special needs. Nor could I be supportive of my husband doing so. (Maybe I’m not being as sexist as I think I am?) With older children, I’d feel differently. I do think she has the potential to be a tremendous advocate for not only working mothers, but also for children with special needs. We need more of that in this world, particularly in positions of power. I very much see the working mom of a small child thing being a huge sticking point for the uber-conservative and evangelicals in this country, too. Why alienate your biggest voting base?

I do like a lot of things about her. Her son is about to deploy to Iraq. If she supports the war (and I assume she does based on this) then she’s not leaving it for others to fight. She is pro-life and has carried a child to term knowing there would be problems. I have a lot of respect for people who back up their words with actions, and both of these situations show me that even if disagree with her stances she’s not going to expect people to do something that she would not do herself. (I don’t think I’ve articulated that well…I hope that makes sense!) I think it boils down to her not being a “do as I say, not as I do” type. Big thumbs up for that! She opposes gay marriage but does support same sex partnership benefits. She has exposed corruption in her own party, something which we need more of on both sides of the aisle. From what little I can find, she seems to be fiscally conservative, which is generally the issue I find myself to be most conservative on. Though I don’t see much fiscal conservatism on either side much these days!

I guess what it boils down to is this…should McCain die or become unable to perform the duties of the presidency, is she a viable choice to assume those duties? And since McCain is 72 years old and a cancer survivor, the sad reality is that this is something people really have to consider. I’m just not sure it’s a smart choice.

I have had this window open for a couple of hours now, just trying to decide what to post about. The main thing in my head is the fact that my husband is currently in Asheboro, pitching to a company there in the hopes of picking up some work. I alternate between praying that things go well and feeling like I’m going to throw up from the nervousness.

As for the other stuff bouncing around in my brain, here’s just a sample…

• With the arrival of the new LUSH store in Raleigh at Crabtree Valley, I’ve finally been able to try a couple of bath bombs and LOVE them. Now I want to try their hair color. The idea of my grays becoming bright red is strangely appealing. Has anyone tried it? Does anyone want to have a LUSH hair color party with me?
• I have a hair appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I am anxious to see what she makes of my badly thinning hair. I’ve never had this problem while pregnant…it usually becomes very thick and pretty. Right now it’s dull, thin, and lifeless. Yuck.
• Nobody in town will pierce my nose while I’m pregnant. Which doesn’t surprise me, but there goes my fabulous 33rd birthday gift to myself. Oh well! I still plan to have it done, but it may be a little bit longer. I did find some really cool opal nose screws, though!
• As difficult as 2 year olds can be, this may also be my favorite age. Right now he’s running back and forth from the art table with various pieces of scribbled paper and saying “look, look!” He is SO proud of himself!
• Both boys have requested a baby sister. I hope they’re not disappointed if it’s a brother instead.
• Yes, we do know what causes pregnancy. Yes, we wanted another baby. No, we don’t care what your opinion is. Why do people think it’s OK to comment on this?
• I am excited about the location of the new YMCA, which will open right before the baby arrives. It will be about 5 minutes from our house and I plan to utilize it as soon as I’m cleared for exercise! I just hope our income permits it at that point.
• With just me and the youngest home today, I think wee’re going to go have lunch at McD’s and then head by Shoppes of Steele Street so I can get some *good* chocolate. Must go do something with my nasty hair and maybe put on some make-up…

Yeah, I’m watching the Olympics. It’s the first time my 5 year old has really been old enough to get into it and he’s been enjoying volleyball, gymnastics, rowing, swimming, and more. Personally, I’ve religiously followed the women’s gymnastics because I took and loved gymnastics as a kid. I’ve been very disappointed in the way the judges have scored the American women, though. I think there’s been a clear bias and it bothers me a lot because our gymnasts really deserved better. I guess I should be glad they’ve won the medals they have but it seems like it’s been really unfair from my perspective.

I’ve also watched a little bit of Michael Phelps coverage and my husband and I stayed up Saturday night to see him win his 8th gold. For the first time in my life I found myself identifying more with the mother rather than the athlete. Not that I was ever much of an athlete but as a young person I found it easier to identify with them. Now I find myself watching Michael Phelps’ mom and seeing her pride and joy for her son and I think that one day, I may be the mom of someone who does something truly extraordinary. Not that I will mind if my kids are just ordinary (Grey’s Anatomy reference there) but wow…they have SUCH a future ahead of them and they can DO anything and BE anything now. At their ages, they’re not too old to get involved in anything from swimming to running to gymnastics, and even things beyond the world of sports…politics, academics, the arts…the list is endless now. I feel like my oldest, especially, is on the brink of discovering who he is and where his strengths lie. He is super smart and though he lacks the discipline, really enjoys sports and is also a very attractive child. I really believe he has the capacity to excel in anything he has the desire to pursue. One day I’d love to see him up on that podium, receiving a gold medal.

But I’d also love to see him as nothing more than a typical hard working man who loves his wife and children and treats them well, just like his dad. There’s honor in both paths and heroes everywhere. So while I have huge respect for Michael Phelps and his accomplishments, it’s good to remind myself that there’s so much more to being a success than winning a record number of medals.

Editing this post to add that the baby must be sensing my need for reassurance, because s/he is moving all over the place suddenly.  It had been a few days since I felt anything and that was definitely raising the anxiety levels.  So now I’m crying because I’m just so relieved.  Good grief.

So now even the paper is making me cry so hard I can’t breathe. The story on the front page of the baby who died in his mother’s arms practically sent me into a full fledged anxiety attack. I have always let my babies sleep on my chest in the early days, and I cannot imagine waking up to find that your tiny baby isn’t breathing. My heart goes out to that family and I pray for them to find peace in the coming days.

Honestly, I’m not much of a crier. I was in my younger days, when the high school drama got to me or when my boyfriend (who is now my husband, by the way, so all the crying was unnecessary) in college hurt my feelings by some imagined slight. But since getting married, I have been a lot more stoic…I just don’t have a lot to cry about most of the time.

Except when I’m pregnant. And then the hormones get me. And I don’t mean just a little bit! Usually they kick in somewhere around my 4th month and wreak havoc. I believe during my last pregnancy I threatened to take my oldest son and move to my mom’s. All the while crying so hard that I was having Braxton Hicks contractions and couldn’t breathe. Yeah, you might say I get a little emotional. So when I hear sad (and scary) stories of people losing their babies and newborns dying in their mother’s arms, I get very emotional. Because I tend to be able to put myself in their position and try to imagine how I would deal with it and inevitably the very thought causes me to have an anxiety attack…shaking, crying, unable to breathe, and absolutely terrified for myself, all the while feeling that my heart will break for the people who did experience the loss.

Add to this that I’m in the middle of a 4 week stretch where I have not had an appointment to check on the baby’s well-being…and not quite at the point where I’m feeling movement reliably and regularly, you can imagine my fears. I cannot wait to get into that office next week and confirm that this baby’s heart is still beating. And in a few weeks, hopefully, we will get to see the progress he or she is making and verify that everything looks good and healthy. But until then, I will probably continue to be incredibly weepy. So if you see me around town and my eyes are red, it’s not because I have been doing things I shouldn’t be, it’s probably because something sent me off on a crying jag. Again.

I don’t necessarily believe that, but in the past week I’ve heard of bad pregnancy outcomes from 2 people who were just a bit further along than me.  It goes without saying that I am devastated for them, but I’m also scared for me.  And though I know it’s unusual at this stage, it DOES happen.  At no point during pregnancy are you guaranteed a good outcome and a healthy baby at the end.  I always want to correct people when they say “Oh you’re out of the first trimester, it’s smooth sailing now.”  Because it’s not.  Bad things can happen anytime.  So I’m saying a lot of prayers for this baby to be safe and healthy inside me.  I’m getting nervous for my next ultrasound, which is the “big” one where we will find out how the baby is growing, if he (she?) is healthy and happy and appears to be “normal.”  Oh, and we’ll find out the sex…which is secondary to the health, of course!  So there is some excitement there, but there’s a lot of trepidation, too.

And because I have so many things knocking around in my brain, here’s a little brain dump…

Christina Applegate has breast cancer.  She’s only a few years older than me!  There is no history of BC in my family, but it’s terrifying to contemplate the idea.  It sounds like it was caught very early, so kudos to her docs and to her for being proactive.  It reminds me that I need to become more diligent about checking myself and maybe contemplate a baseline mammogram once this new baby is weaned.

I am in the baking mood.  I got a breadmaker from FreeCycle and have been printing out all kinds of recipes to try.  One I’m hoping works out well is an apple cinnamon oatmeal bread.  We spend a TON of money on Quaker oatmeal squares because my kids like them for breakfast.  I hope to replace them with something that will be cheaper and have fewer preservatives.  I hope they’ll eat it!  I also have a butter pecan rum cake recipe I want to try and many more bread recipes.  I’m hoping we can cut our food bill down some by making bread rather than buying it!

The kids are fighting over the Wii. *sigh*  We need some new games but just can’t afford that luxury right now.  Maybe for Christmas…

My hair has a ton of gray in it suddenly and I’m dying to go get highlights…I told my husband that’s the first thing I’m going to do when he gets his first paycheck from the company!  He has some quotes out now, so hopefully one of those will get picked up soon.  He’s also doing a lot of networking so I’m praying that we start getting some income from it soon.

The kids were approved for Medicaid last week, which is still really hard for me to deal with.  I was denied, but will be able to go reapply next week and should be approved.  They were able to get coverage based on our June income, but I was not.  I feel like such a drain on society, though God knows we’ve paid our dues.  I am confident it will be temporary and that we’ll be off of it in a year, but it’s such a hard thing to do when you’ve been told all your life that people who use these programs are leeches.  I am so grateful that the option is there for us, but I also can’t wait until we are able to get back on our feet and provide our own health care coverage.

I was planning to get my nose pierced for my 33rd birthday, which is coming up in a couple of months, but now I may not because I’m not sure it’s a good idea when you’re pregnant.  Plus there’s the whole money issue!  It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time and I just haven’t gotten up the courage, plus my husband was not a fan of the idea.  Well, I’ve decided I just don’t care and I’m going to get it done eventually, either for my birthday or after the baby is born.  So if you can recommend a piercer in Sanford, I’m all ears!  Or perhaps all nose…hahaha!

I grew up in Knoxville, Tennessee. I loved it there, and I’d give just about anything to have the opportunity to move back. It is my home. It will always be my home.

So when I saw an RSS feed article about a church shooting in Tennessee, I clicked on it, holding my breath, knowing that it’s a big state and there are literally thousands of churches across the state. And when the article came up, and the first thing I saw was that it was a church in West Knoxville, my heart stopped. I attended a great church there and I’ve often said I wish I could transplant it every time I move, because we’ve found nothing that even compares.

I read further and was relieved to find out that it wasn’t “my” church. But it was a church I knew well…one I drove past every day on my way to work, one that my friends attended, and one that I could see myself attending if “my” church wasn’t so awesome. I am absolutely heartbroken for the congregation there. The gunman walked in and opened fire during a children’s theatrical production during the regular service, so there were a lot of kids there who witnessed everything. Over 200 people in the sanctuary at the time. When he stopped to reload, he was tackled by several parishioners and the police department was able to arrest him 4 minutes after they got the initial report of the shooting. Thank God for those quick thinking men who managed to stop him from doing more damage.

One person is confirmed dead right now. Several more are in critical condition. Please, if you believe in prayer, pray for the victims of this tragedy. There is a lot of speculation as to why he did this…the most likely reason seems to be the ambiguous term “hate” crime. This was a very accepting church and it sounds like they’ve recently had a sign up letting homosexuals know that they were welcome there. Regardless of the reasons, it’s a terrible tragedy and there’s a lot of confusion and grief in my hometown today. People should feel safe in their places of worship, no matter their beliefs.

Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church

Local newspaper’s coverage

Edited to add this info: It seems that the church’s policy of acceptance was not the reason this man targeted the church. Instead, one of his neighbors says he has a hatred for Christianity.   Ironically, I’d say that Unitarians are not generally considered a Christian denomination. Regardless, it was a senseless tragedy and now 2 people have passed away. So unnecessary.

I have a confession to make…my kids don’t get all of the vaccinations recommended by the CDC.  *gasp*  Recently, Amanda Peet made a statement in Cookie magazine that parents who don’t vaccinate are parasites.  It sounds like there was a half-hearted apology made yesterday, but since I don’t really give a flying flip what some celebrity mom thinks of my parenting decisions I just rolled my eyes and moved to the next article at E!Online.

I want to start by saying I do think vaccines are (in general!) a good thing.  I do, however, think that the CDC schedule is way too aggressive and there are too many given and too early in life when a baby’s system could be overwhelmed by the components of the vaccines.  I know this is a touchy subject, especially here in Sanford where Wyeth manufactures the Prevnar vaccine.  But with a baby due in January when germs are rampant, I have to admit that I am re-evaluating my delayed/selective vaccine plan.

In order to do the research on the most recent vaccines and the issues surrounding them, I bought a copy of The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert Sears.  (Yes, he is a medical doctor.)  It presents perhaps the most non-biased look at all of the current vaccines.  I’ve read other books, on both sides of the issue.  But I really feel like this one gives you ALL of the facts and lets you make of it what you will.  I actually feel more comfortable about giving some of the vaccines I previously avoided completely (Prevnar being one of them) and I think I may reconsider the delayed and selective schedule we used with my youngest.

I am lucky that I am able to be a SAHM, so my children are exposed to fewer germs as babies.  I also breastfed my 2nd child to the age of 2, so he received protection there.  Obviously these things factored into my decisions.  This baby may be in part time child care (in a home setting, but still exposed to other children) and though I plan to breastfeed again, that can only do so much.  Those are just a few of the many things that will weigh into our decision…there’s also the reaction my oldest had after receiving 4 shots at once as a 4 month old, the fact that there is a history of allergies and auto-immune disorders in the family, and the risks associated with skipping or delaying certain ones.

For example, the hepatitis B vaccine is typically given in the hospital to all newborns.  Nobody in our household has Hepatitis B.  I do not expect my newborn to be having sex or sharing needles.  So we’ll be skipping it, unless there is some reason the baby might receive a blood transfusion.  Even then, we’ll have to weigh the risks of this particular vaccine (and yes, this is one of the more concerning ones) vs. the risk of getting Hep B from a blood transfusion.  Unlikely, but possible.  We may choose to give it to our kids as they get older and reach an age where they might engage in risky behavior.  We may not.  Regardless, our kids will be well educated on the inherent risks involved in unsafe sex and drug use.

There are some that we would never choose to skip…DTaP being one, despite the fact that it’s considered to be one of the more reactive vaccines.  I am pretty scared of pertussis and it is still relatively common.  If I can provide my child with some immunity to this one, I’m all for it.  I’m definitely not opposed to all vaccines!

Another consideration for me is the fact that I’m not immune to rubella, despite the fact that I’ve been vaccinated for it 4 times now.  The rubella component of the MMR vaccine is a live virus and contact with someone who’s recently had the MMR vax could infect me.  This is not a big problem…unless I’m pregnant.  Rubella causes severe birth defects.  So when I decided to delay MMR until my youngest was 2, I didn’t think I would be pregnant when the time came.  Surprise!  So now we have to put that one off at least until after the new baby is born.  I may try to order the components of this one separately.  There is a pharmacy who sells them individually and we might consider giving the measles and mumps vaccines but waiting on rubella.

All of this is to say that you have options.  And you should educate yourself about all of the risks, whether you choose to vaccinate fully, not at all, or somewhere in between.  An educated decision is the right decision, no matter what you choose.

Yesterday was a great day! We had a ton of fun at the Family 4th of July festival here in town. Really the only thing that would have made it better is fireworks, though I understand why they couldn’t have them! But it would definitely be nice to see them added into the celebration next year.

And the reason why it would have been nice to have fireworks here? We had planned to go up to Cary and see the fireworks there. We managed to get up there, walked what felt like a million miles to find a place to sit among the many, many people there, and 20 minutes before the fireworks were supposed to start, the wind started blowing and the sky got dark. Soon there was lightning, then came thunder, then we started feeling sprinkles. We didn’t wait…packed up our chairs, blanket, stroller, kids and took off, along with the thousands of other people there. We speed-walked the million miles *back* to our car where we found out we would be going nowhere for quite some time as the traffic was miserable. We popped Nemo in the DVD player and let the kids hang out while we cooled off and dried out. Luckily we had made it back to the car before the rain started coming down too hard, but it poured down in sheets! We were disappointed in missing the fireworks but we certainly need the rain. Imagine our surprise when we realized it didn’t rain a DROP here. *sigh*

I see that the fireworks in Cary have been rescheduled for tonight but we have plans and I’m just not sure if I’m up for all of that again.