And then, on New Years Eve, my father-in-law called. My husband’s parents and his aunt and uncle had bought us a new mini van. They would be delivering it sometime after midnight on New Years Day. It’s nothing fancy, but it runs and we can fit all of the children and their carseats into it! We’re once again a 2 car family. But most significantly, with a spare vehicle that will hold 3 carseats, I can get a job wherever I can find one. UNC, Moore Regional, WakeMed…all of these hospitals are now options for employment. Another option is home health care, something I’d really love to explore because I think it would give me some insight into what I might experience as a hospice nurse, since many of these positions are traveling/home health care positions.

So I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve such largesse, but I have to say that it’s so appreciated. We’re still struggling with the mortgage, but I believe that will work itself out if we’re meant to stay in this house. So this year has started off well. Hopefully it will continue to go well and be much, much better than 2010 was!

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A friend bought Christmas gifts for the children so that Santa wouldn’t forget our house this year. My mom and brother are also helping with Christmas and I am so glad that they are able and willing to do that. I’m getting into the Christmas spirit without spending any money, and when we broke the news to the kids that there wouldn’t be any gifts from mommy and daddy this year, my oldest son said “That’s okay…that’s not what Christmas is about anyway!” Wise words from an 8 year old boy. He is simply amazing.

We spent the Thanksgiving holiday in Tennessee with our families, so that was great. Right after the holiday, I found out that I made 104 on my last exam. (The only thing I missed was 1 bonus point!) I’m doing so well in my class right now, that the finals (one in lab, one in lecture) have little bearing on my grade. I still plan to study, but the pressure isn’t on to make a really good grade on the exams because I’m almost assured an A already.

And then, this week happened. And the good stuff just kept coming and any part of me that still felt dark and twisty was filled with light and hope. (Hmmmm…maybe light and hope is the opposite of dark and twisty?) Monday, my husband had a job interview. He was offered the position that night and started Tuesday morning. Awesome, right? So awesome that I didn’t even stress over finding someone to keep the kids so I could do the school stuff I needed to do this week because I just knew it would work out somehow.

And it did! My BFF (one of them was able to keep Violet for me on Wednesday while I went to school and had my last lab of the semester and took another exam. Violet did wonderfully…much better than me! I was a nervous wreck. I knew that she would be well taken care of, but I worried that she would have separation anxiety or be scared or upset. Of course, she did fine and had a great time!

And then yesterday, I was scheduled to take my TEAS test — the entrance exam for nursing. My friend came over here and kept my 2 youngest kids while I went over to school and took the exam that was my final hurdle before applying to the nursing program. I had to make a 70 to qualify and it was a very difficult test. Luckily there was no waiting afterwards…the computer scores it immediately and they let you know right away what you made. The good news is that I passed with flying colors! I made a 91.2, which is in the 99th percentile. Pretty awesome, I think!

Then when I got home, I found out that the cleaning fairy had made a visit to my house. My awesome friend had cleaned the playroom, putting up all of the toys and even sweeping! My house has been so neglected over the last few weeks that the place is just a wreck. I feel like I’m living in an episode of Hoarders…it is really awful. But that one little area being clean has taken a lot of stress off of me and given me the motivation to really get this house whipped into shape! So much so, that I have already been to the grocery store, made dinner (taco soup), done a load of dishes, and mopped my kitchen/dining/playroom (it’s all in one gigantic room, along with my office) this morning.

And I feel great. The job won’t pull us out of this situation. It’s only part-time, but it’s flexible enough that I can continue school and he can continue real estate. I’m hopeful that I’ll get a job very soon that will help put us back in a better position. Keep praying, but know that there are good things happening and I’m grateful for everyone who has thought of us in the last few months!

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With two other children who see their beloved big brother eating these and demand the same, we end up going through as many as 90 per month. At approximately $3 a box (50 cents per bar) that comes to about $45 a month just for these breakfast bars! Coupons for them are rare and we do stock up when we can get them at a cheaper price, but it still ends up being about $30 a month. Just not a very good idea for our food budget anymore.

Not only are they expensive, but the second ingredient is high fructose corn syrup, which I’m trying to cut back on. I’m all for moderation but when HFCS is in everything, it’s not so easy to be moderate in your consumption! Needless to say, I’ve been doing a lot of home cooking to try to minimize this in our diets.

So how to go about a) minimizing costs and b) eating healthier while keeping the kiddos happy? I googled copycat recipes, of course! I came up with several different options to try and with a little trial and error, I’ve managed to come up with my own variation that works out to about 20 cents a bar, assuming you don’t use any coupons or sale prices. With coupons and sales (or WIC food items, if you qualify) this can be much, much less…almost free if you do it just right!

If you’re a fan of Quaker Oatmeal to Go but want to save money or eliminate this source of HFCS in your life, here’s my recipe for a similar breakfast bar:

• 4 eggs
• 2 cups milk
• 1 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 4 cups uncooked oats
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2/3 cup brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 350*F. Spray a 9×13 pan with cooking spray.
2. Combine wet ingredients and mix well.
3. Add dry ingredients and mix well.
4. Pour mixture into pan and bake for approximately 40 minutes, until a knife inserted in center comes out clean.

To change it up a little, consider these variations:

• Add a cup of raisins. (Or chocolate chips for a really special treat.)
• Use a half cup of chopped apples and add in some apple pie spices.
• Try substituting mashed banana for the applesauce and add some nuts for a healthier banana bread substitute.
• Consider using pureed pumpkin in place of the applesauce.
• Add fresh or frozen berries like blueberries or strawberries.

It’s an easy recipe that takes very little work and there are so many ideas for variations out there. If you try it, let me know how it works out and any substitutions you tried!

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Certainly give cash if you can, because it is ultimately the most useful commodity…it can be used for any need, whether that’s food, electricity, or a mortgage payment. Of course, handing over your own hard earned money can be hard, no matter how well you know someone. How can you be sure those funds will be used in a way you find appropriate? I’ll be the first to admit that I have a hard time with this so I rarely gave money, but I have learned that there are many other ways to help during a crisis situation. If you know a family in need, consider doing some of these things for them.

• If the financial situation is due to job loss, remember that a working phone number, email address, and internet access can be crucial to finding new employment. Call up the phone or internet provider and ask if you can pay an amount towards the family’s bill. It helps to know the address and phone number of the account, as well as the name it’s listed under. Or, if it’s something you’d be comfortable doing, consider adding an extra line to your cell plan and paying it until the situation improves. Sometimes you can do this for $10 a month under a share plan. (Be sure to talk to them first…they will probably need to try to keep the same number if they’ve listed it on resumes or job applications.)
• Electricity and running water are necessities…to prepare food, to bathe, to keep the home cool or warm…a home without electricity and water isn’t incredibly useful. Again, call the utility office and tell them you’d like to pledge something to the family’s bill. It doesn’t have to be a large amount. Amounts as small as $5 or $10 can make or break a tight budget, especially in periods of extreme high or low temperatures.
• Gift cards in small amounts to places like grocery stores, gas stations, Walmart/Target, and restaurants are very helpful. This could mean a family can get food to feed themselves, gasoline to drive to that job interview, toilet paper and shampoo, or ensure they get a meal if there’s an emergency or other situation that keeps them from being able to eat at home. (Just for example, the night our chicken burned so badly that we had to go out to eat because it was inedible and the house was too smoky for my asthmatic kids to be in.)
• Gift cards for periodic services like haircuts and oil changes. When we have months that we have to do these things, that means some other budget area gets shorted because our budget is so tight. Better yet, offer to do it for them or teach them how to do it themselves. I have never cut my own hair but if someone took the time to help me learn how I might do it.
• Give them your unused coupons. Or pay for a subscription to the paper in your area that offers the most coupons. Here, that’s the News & Observer. For less than $10, you can give them 4 weeks worth of Sunday papers delivered right to their home. For less than $30, you get 13 weeks of the Sunday paper. Not only do you get coupons in the Sunday paper, but that day generally has the most help wanted ads. Two birds, one stone, right? (Side note: If you do this, consider adding a second paper so they can have 2 of each coupon…in many places you can get a discount on the second one.)
• If they have kids, offer to keep them for a few hours so that the parents can have a breather. For single parents, this means a chance to go get groceries without little ones. For married people, this can give them a chance to have a date, even if that’s just a quiet dinner at home. (This is another place that restaurant gift cards come in handy!) No matter how much we want to say that time away from our children isn’t a necessity, it can make a lot of difference in the mental state (or the marriage) of someone who’s already under extreme stress.
• Offer to pay for children’s activities. My mom is paying for Cub Scouts for my oldest son. He won’t get to do everything because there will always be activities that cost extra, but she paid for his dues and his uniform so that he can have an extra-curricular activity. Many Parks & Rec departments offer sports, dance lessons, and classes for kids at a very low cost. (Think as low as $15 in some cases.)
• Search your attic and closets for clothes and items they might be able to use. If they have children, this is especially helpful. My goal these days is to keep my kids dressed. While I do want them to wear nice clothes that are in style, it is more important that they not be naked. I’m not picky and most people in similar positions have learned to put aside their pickiness when it comes to clothes. (The one exception for me is underwear…I do not want my kids in someone else’s underwear. Beyond that, I’m not in a position to care.)

Most of all, be there for them. Understand that they want to do things with their friends and loved ones but money can be an obstacle. I don’t have people over for dinner because I can’t afford to buy extra food. This means nobody invites my family over to dinner, and that hurts. When my girlfriends go out, I may not be able to spend the money on gas or I might feel guilty going to a place and just having water so I stay home, which can mean the invitations stop. Don’t forget about them, and don’t stop inviting unless they tell you to. Pray for them. Let them know you haven’t forgotten them. Send an email to remind them you care. It’s the little things that mean the most in a crisis, especially when that crisis becomes a long term problem. I would be way more touched by someone taking the time to make dinner for my family and bring it to us than to receive $5000. (Not that I’d turn down the $5k!) Think outside the box and remember that mental health is just as important as financial health. You can make a difference to someone.

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But there are also people who are just struggling to buy food and pay their mortgage and keep their electricity and water on. Whose modest cars are barely running, who haven’t had new shoes in years, and can’t afford fast food, much less cigarettes and beer. People who endure incredibly painful medical problems without a doctor’s care because they know they can’t afford it, whose teeth are crumbling due to lack of dental care. who haven’t seen the eye doctor for new glasses in a long time, who live in fear of an accident or illness because it could bring down their whole precarious financial house of cards. Who are these people you ask? Well, me for one. And guess what? I don’t qualify for Medicaid unless I get pregnant again, which won’t be happening if I have any say in the matter.

I wish I could afford insurance. Three years ago, I never would have considered going without it…only irresponsible people do that, right? Right now, it would be irresponsible for me to have insurance. Because it would mean I wouldn’t have a place to live, or there would be no food for us to eat or electricity to keep the refrigerator and heat working. And this is even if I could get health insurance…my medical history is not stellar. Kidney stones, infertility, PCOS, c-sections…these are all things that could make insurance very expensive (the lowest estimate I could find was $400/month) or get me denied completely. Yes, even if the insurance didn’t cover pregnancy or infertility treatments, they could deny me because of those things. I am looking for a job that can provide me with group health insurance. If you know of one that I’m qualified for where the pay justifies the cost of gas, clothing, and childcare expenses, tell me about it. I’m applying to every job I can find that would meet these needs. The problem is, once I find it, there’s no guarantee that I’ll be able to afford the premiums for the group health insurance, which puts me right back where I started…uninsured and scared. Sometimes I wonder if things will ever get better for us.  It’s hard to believe that less than 3 years ago I had no idea what it was like to go without food or worry about whether they were going to shut off our electric or where we would go if the mortgage company foreclosed. This is my new normal, and it’s pretty freaking terrible.

Our healthcare system is broken. There are absolutely people who abuse it…there always will be, no matter what the system is. It’s unfortunate, but let’s not abolish the system because of these few. Instead, report those who abuse it. Show mercy and kindness to the people who don’t. A little understanding goes a long way. I’m not broken yet, but reading things like that letter reminded me that people out there think that I’m somehow less deserving than others and that hurts me more than anything else has yet.

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