Have you seen the video from Ellen Degeneres going around Facebook? (If not, try this link.) That so many children and young adults have taken their lives in the past few weeks is devastating. More devastating is knowing that these deaths could have been prevented if the bullying was identified by an adult and stopped. Regardless of the reason for the bullying (whether it be sexuality or something else) behavior, this must stop. As parents, as adults, it is our responsibility and our duty to know what is going on in our children’s lives and raise them in such a way that they would never bully someone.
I think I’m lucky…I was never truly bullied. I don’t believe I bullied anyone else. I hope that nobody ever felt like I was bullying them. But I have dealt with some bullying behavior that my oldest son experienced. Problems on the bus, mostly. I dealt with it quickly. Letters to the vice-principal and his teacher, phone calls to follow up, etc. The problems were all nipped in the bud immediately. For that I’m incredibly grateful.
But bullying isn’t the only thing we need to be worried about. The problem is bigger than that. Someone shared this link with me last night and it really moved me. Not only because of the story she tells, but because there was a paragraph that really resonated with me.
When I am with people, no matter where I go (even online), I expect to be rejected. I assume that you will hate me, that you will seek to avoid me, that you hope I won’t bother you by trying to talk to you. Every expression of acceptance is a surprise to me. I want people to be nice to me, but I never expect it. I expect people to reject me; I hope they will leave me alone. Niceness doesn’t really factor into any of that.
I identify with this so well. It truly is how I feel. I don’t understand why people want to spend time with me, why they’d want to read what I have to say, or why they’d want to help me. Because I see absolutely nothing in myself that is lovable. After spending time with people, I analyze everything I did/said, everything they did/said, trying to figure out if I said or did anything that would make them hate me or if I could decipher their true feelings. I am so filled with self-loathing that I cannot even relax and enjoy myself most of the time. These feelings did not come from bullying.
But, just for a moment, imagine if I felt this way and was bullied on top of that. If I went through the merciless teasing and personal attacks some kids endure because they haven’t been taught that it is the things that are different that make people beautiful. I know I wouldn’t be here today. I would have killed myself as surely as these children did. Because that life? It is not one that is worth living and children lack the ability to see the future, to understand that it won’t always be like this.
We must be vigilant advocates for our children. Address bullying if you see it. Raise your children to be kind and loving and sensitive. Instill in them a good self-esteem. Remind them that they matter and that you care and that you will do something to help them if you know what is going on. Most of all, love them and teach them to love others.
