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Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Standing in Awe

16 Sep

Today’s SITS Back to Blogging challenge is to write about a woman who inspires you.  This is hard, because it’s not any one person who inspires me…I am more inspired by qualities in a person.  Right now, I am particularly inspired by one thing: women who hold it all together without whining.

I’m a whiner.  I know it.  I own it.  I’ve made my peace with it.  I do not, however, like it.  I hate this quality in myself…the constant whining and complaining are so very unattractive!  But it’s so deeply ingrained into my being, it’s become a part of who I am.  So when I get stressed out and feel overwhelmed and hopeless, instead of doing something about the situation, I whine.  I sit down and have a little pity party cry-fest.  I do eventually do something about it, but first I have to break down and be an ugly person for a little while.

I admire the women who have been where I am…going back to school, keeping her kids and husband fed, clothed, and well cared for, managing her various volunteer activities with grace and style, taking care of a home, and for some, working on top of all of that.  I want a job, but I feel like I’m already failing at everything else!  How will I throw in a 40 hour/week job, too?  But I have to do it.  And the best part?  It will make me a better woman.  Maybe someday, I’ll be the one inspiring.  Until then, I know I’m not doing a good job at anything in my life right now.  I’m sorry to the people who are experiencing that first hand, and I promise I’m trying to do better.  I never thought it would be easy, but I never imagined it could be this hard!

If you’ve done this…going back to school, taking care of your family, volunteering, working…how?  What advice do you have?  I’d love to hear how you managed it all!

And because this is an event that carries with it a super duper prize, I’m linking you up to Standards of Excellence, Westar Kitchen & Bath, and Florida Builder Appliances. I really want Thelma and Louise to come live with me and be my bestest friends!

 
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Posted in Back to Blogging, Back to School, Family, Me Stuff

 

Wild Wednesday

08 Sep

Just to give you an idea of what my Wednesdays look like for the rest of the semester, based on today’s events:

Up at 6:30am.  (Normal wake-up is between 8am and 9am.  Or 10am.  Or whenever I feel like it.)

Get ready…drink copious amounts of coffee.  Practice placing IV so I can have a continuous caffeine drip.

Leave house at 7:30am.

Leave oldest child at school on one end of town.

Detach suddenly very clingy middle child from leg and leave him at school on opposite end of town.

Go to my school, where youngest child screams as I get out of the car, making me feel guilty for trying to make something of myself.

Cry as my husband drives off with crying baby in backseat.

Kill 2 hours by “studying” while trying to ignore construction noise outside library.

Walk across campus while eating some granola.

Spend 3 hours looking into a microscope in lab.

Try to cram some pretzels and string cheese in my mouth while walking to class and trying to readjust my eyes.

Spend an hour and 15 minutes listening to very boring anatomy & physiology lecture, needing to pee the entire time because I chose to eat instead of go to the bathroom during my very short break.

Get picked up by husband and 2 youngest children who insist they did not miss me at all, despite the way they acted the last time I saw them.

Cry some more.

Realize that my blood sugar levels are dangerously low and suck down a soda.

Get heartburn that’s so painful I want to cry some more.

Oldest child gets home from school, insists on getting materials for homework project tonight despite it not being due for several more days.

He cries.

Everybody piles in car, goes to Dollar Tree.

They don’t have what we need.  All 3 children act like heathens the entire time we’re there.

Find alternate materials.

Have argument about dinner.

Give up and go out to eat because it’s not worth the fight.

Children continue to be atrocious during dinner.

Come home, everyone gets disciplined for bad behavior and I snap and send them all to bed early.

Cry some more.

Attempt more studying, give up and watch bad Netflix movie instead.

Whine and complain about hellish day on blog.

Go to bed at 11:30, thankful that Wednesdays happen only once a week.

 
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Posted in Back to School, Family, Me Stuff, Parenting

 

Lifting the Fog

02 Sep

I am awash in personal drama that has me in a terrible fog.  The nausea continues, though I know I’m not pregnant.  I have no idea what is causing it, but it really, really sucks.  It is constant and incredibly annoying.  And I just feel generally not quite right…little headaches, falling asleep when I shouldn’t, sudden weight gain, and emotional…I suspect it’s nothing more than stress, but it’s incredibly frustrating.

Then there’s my computer…it is, I believe, dead.  I manage to grab my husband’s a few times a day, but not for long and I never manage to get the things done that I intend to do.  I can boot my computer and open a program.  I can even use it for a few minutes, but then it locks up or sends me to the blue screen of death.  I have decided that upgrading the RAM is my last resort and that costs money we don’t have.  My printer isn’t working anymore, either.  I think it needs ink, but can’t afford that either.  (And if you’ve sent me an email and I didn’t reply, I missed it.  There are 73 new emails in my box and I hate trying to wade through them on my phone.  Send me a text if it’s important…)

And the money thing is always there…can I afford to buy shampoo this week?  What about toilet paper?  Oh, and don’t forget that there is a shut-off notice for the electricity sitting on your desk.  Better get that paid.  The good news is that I finally convinced my husband that we can no longer afford the satellite bill.  We had run out of all of our “special offers” and the price jumped way back up and they wouldn’t go back down.  So we shut it off.  I’m having some minor withdrawal, but am glad to have one less monthly expense.

And the beginning of the semester is always a little fog-inducing.  Moreso with the drama over the class and pre-requisites.  I’m overwhelmed at how far behind I already feel.  I need to type up my notes and study for lab quizzes and do homework assignments, all of which are impossible to do when the kids are up, and I’m too mentally exhausted to do once they’re down.

Speaking of kids, I feel like I have 500, not 3.  One in school already, one about to start.  They need to be on opposite sides of town, with drop off and pick up at the same time.  How will we manage this on the weeks that we can only afford to put gas in 1 car?  The logistics alone make me want to cry, especially since pick-up needs to happen while I’m supposed to be in class on Mondays and Wednesdays!  I have no idea how we’re going to make this work, but I guess we will somehow.  And once I’m home alone with just one child, how is that going to affect my day?  Will I have less time to spend on other stuff, or more?  One less child to deal with, but the one that’s left is all alone.  Anxious to see how that will work!  (Really, if anyone has experienced this, fill me in…is having only 1 more work than having 2?)

I want, no I need, to run but can’t fit it in.  It’s too hot at the time of day that I can manage it and I’m too tired to do it when it’s cool enough.  I suspect this would do wonders for my overall state of mind and I hope the weather cools down soon so I can do it.

Crap, my computer time is up.  I swear, number one on my list of things to do is buy some RAM.  And pray that fixes the problem…

 
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Posted in Couch to 5K, Family, Me Stuff, Parenting, Rambling

 

Goodbye to Babies

26 Aug

Quit growing up!!!  My oldest son is now a second grader.  In his bedtime prayers last night, he thanked God for his new teachers.  He said they were the best teachers yet and then also thanked Him for all of his other teachers, who he remembered by name.  He comes in from school, does his homework without being asked, and buys gifts for his brother and sister with his own money. He isn’t what I would call a little boy anymore…he is firmly in big boy territory and will soon be a tween.  I’m not ready for this at all.

Quit growing up!!!  My middle child will be starting full-time preschool next week.  In his prayers, he thanks God for his mommy and daddy and brother and sister.  It makes me want to cry, it’s so sweet.  He loves to be rough and tumble and has a great imagination.  He has a superhero hand and a mean hand and that mean hand is soooooooooooooo mean, but the superhero hand does things like hold his sister’s hand when we’re walking somewhere.  This time next year, he’ll be halfway through his first quarter of kindergarten.  Where does the time go?

Quit growing up!!!  My baby girl, my tiny little pink bundle, is now walking and talking and so not a baby any more.  She throws tantrums the likes of which I’ve never seen.  She likes clothes and shoes and hats and dragons and trucks and cars.  She stands up for herself when necessary and never plays the shrinking violet role.  If I’m home at bedtime, she climbs into my lap and begs for her “nuh” but if I’m out, she snuggles on the couch with her daddy and they are both snoring by the time I get home.  She sleeps in a toddler bed and says “night-night” and makes kissing noises at me when I lay her down for a nap.  She no longer needs me for food or comfort.  I don’t know how to deal with that.

Every day takes them one day closer to the day they’ll leave for college, get married, have kids of their own.  And further and further away from the days when all they needed was me.  I want to stop time or change my mind about the whole “no more babies” rule.  But I can’t.  So I watch them start their slow walk away from me and I smile…because I believe that I’m raising them well and with the love they deserve.  These amazing kids will be amazing adults someday and I’ll know then, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I did a good job with them.

 
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Posted in Family, Parenting

 

Toy Hoarding

08 Aug

Kids don’t like to let go of toys.  We have a huge toy problem here due to some family members.  They don’t spend more than anyone else, but they deal in quantity…where someone else might buy 1 big toy that the kids really want for $25, these people will go to garage sales, dollar stores, and clearance racks so they can get more items (and generally a bunch of smaller things) for their money.  Not a bad trait, but it’s beginning to cause a major toy overgrowth problem.  They love the kids to a degree that even I can’t imagine at times and we see them only rarely.  I suspect there is a degree of guilt about the lack of time spent together and they’re trying to compensate.  There’s more to the story, but I’ll leave it at that.  I love them and don’t want to say anything that would hurt them, even unintentionally.

So back to the topic at hand…this toy problem is getting ridiculous.  We have a metric crap ton of toys, many that the kids don’t ever play with.  I try to make them choose one toy to go out every time another comes in but I find that the drama is often not worth it.  Unfortunately, I’m often fighting my husband as much as I am the kids.  I wouldn’t mind so much if they were good about cleaning up after themselves, but cleaning up is often an ordeal that ends in screaming, slammed doors, and tears.  Usually from me.  But there are toys everywhere. I even find them in my bed sometimes.  It is making me crazy and I need to get rid of some.

Clearly I need to take back control, and I’m working on that.  The kids are going to be strongly encouraged to choose 5 toys each to give to a child who needs them more than we do.  It’s a character lesson and a sanity saver all in one.  Right now, cleaning up comes with incentive.  For every 15 minutes you spend cleaning up, you get 5 minutes of time on the Wii.  Toys are not to leave a specific area.  And once my younger son starts school, I’ll be weeding the toy collection myself.  Throwing away the coloring books that are full of scribbles.  Sorting through the massive bins that hold the toy collection and donating what they don’t play with.  Tossing the random games we’ve never played or that have pieces missing.  Giving away the books that we never read or that I dislike.

My biggest fear is that they will become hoarders, like the people on those shows that are so popular right now.  Because their mindset is that every toy is precious, every gift is sacred.  And though I do like to instill that into them, that the things we have are special, that gifts are to be appreciated, it’s reached a point that I can no longer support and encourage.  Are they too young to watch an episode of Hoarding: Buried Alive?  Because that’s what I’ve been doing all day and it has scared the crap out of me!  Can you tell I’m motivated?

 
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Posted in Family, House/Home, Parenting

 
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