I am the Mama

So.Very.Tired. New medication, sinus issues (and resulting need for Nyquil), and an overwhelming amount of responsibilities have me a little bit off the map right now. Even my Twitter account has been neglected! I have two big exams next week, I’m applying to every job I can (unfortunately, still no movement there…plus we’re down to 1 reliable car now so that means I can only apply to local jobs), and I’m just trying to cope with the enormity of our financial situation, as always. I can’t even go there other than to say I’m praying for about $2500 to fall out of the sky. That would get us back on track for this month and lift that burden at least temporarily.

Last night I was so tired that I took the laptop to bed with me so I could catch up on some shows and fell asleep with it in the bed about 15 minutes after I laid down, an unprecedented event for me. The good news is that my insomnia appears to be backing off a little bit, but I don’t know if it’s due to something I’m taking or if it’s actually improving. I’ve also managed not to cry in front of anyone for about a week now…though that may have more to do with the fact that I haven’t spent a lot of time around my friends who’ve gotten the brunt of it over the last couple of months. (And I wonder why nobody ever invites me to do things…soggy weepy messes are really not much fun, are they?)

So yeah, I’m just trying to keep up with life for right now. There’s much I want to talk about: bullying, my oldest son’s 8th birthday, depression, and more. Unfortunately it will all have to wait like everything else in my life at the moment. Maybe next week…except by then I’ll have more to talk about (including *my* birthday!) and I’ll forget all about the stuff I wanted to say. And maybe that’s a good thing!

(FYI: If you hadn’t been able to comment, you may be able to with the new theme. Give it a try!)

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Ugh. Yesterday didn’t go as I’d hoped. You’ll eventually get details, but I’m still trying to figure out where to go from here with that situation. I will say that it involves me going back to work, but that’s all I can share at this moment. (Though if you’re my friend on Facebook, you can find some details there. Check the status update comments.)

And speaking of Facebook, I am trying to decide whether or not to make a Facebook page for my blog. I’m seeing more and more people out there who have done this and I have to wonder what the benefits are. I’d probably get more comments, right? I mean, if you’re on Facebook it’s super easy to just comment on a post…moreso than it is here. I’m at a point where I really need encouragement and to get no comments at all on many of my posts is hard. Sometimes I wonder if anyone is even out there reading! And then I wonder if I really want anyone reading…

So what say you? Would that be a great way of connecting/interacting? If you blog, do you have a FB page? Have you seen any benefits to it? Drawbacks? Let me know by clicking on the comment link in the right hand column. —————————->

To comment, you must provide a name (first name only is fine), an email address to prove you’re legit (I promise I won’t post it, share it, or use it inappropriately), and you need to enter an anti-spam word. Easy peasy!

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Life right now is chaotic, scary, exciting, and a million other adjectives.  I’m at a crossroads in my life…having to make decisions about where my future lies and whether I need to change directions.  And so this blog has kind of been at a crossroads, too.  I don’t remember now why I started it or what I hoped to accomplish…and I’m not sure I know now what I want it to be.  It has kind of been a place for me to vent and share my fears but suddenly I’m not comfortable doing that.  I’m no longer as anonymous as I’d like to be and because of that, I’m afraid that I will be judged by the things I write in my lowest lows and highest highs.  Most people don’t share those moments with the whole wide world for a reason!

So I’m left with the question of what this space is going to be.  Recipes?  Stories about my kids?  Money saving tips?  I never wanted to be a generic “mommy blogger” but I feel like that’s kind the direction I’m headed.  And to be honest, I’m so short on time these days that it sometimes feels like a chore just to get over here and try to write something…because those highs and lows are usually the impetus to come and post.  To get out my stress, to get out my excitement, to let go of the feelings that are keeping me up at night or bouncing around in my head and preventing me from concentrating on my homework or the article I need to write.  Unfortunately, this blog can’t be my therapy any more.  I’m sad about that, but I feel freed in simply making this decision.

Bear with me as I try to straighten it all out and figure out where I’m going.  Not only with this blog, but also in life.  There are good things happening that spell success for me in a place I never expected to be.  Real estate is picking up and that means good things for us financially (I hope!) so I am seeing the sun coming up on what has been a very dark time for my family.  Everything is still in the maybe stage, but there are a lot more maybes out there than nos (noes?) right now.  I am very optimistic about that aspect of life!

So let’s head down this new road and see where it goes.  I really hope you’ll join me on the journey!

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Pretty sure I’ve used that title before, but I guess it doesn’t matter!  I was frustrated with the lack of text wrapping and various other issues with my last theme so I switched it up again.  Hope you like purple.  It is my second favorite color (after pink) and with a daughter named Violet, there’s a lot of purple in my life!  It seemed fitting, so I couldn’t pass it up.  We all know that I never stick with one for long, so I suppose if you hate purple you can stick around and it’s bound to be something else eventually.

I changed the About Me page.  My new picture is there (Thanks to Laura at Somethin’ Blue for the great portrait!) and I updated some information.  I have some other things I’d like to add to that page but it will have to wait.

I’ve also added a Links page.  My blogroll is destined for that page, but I haven’t had the time to do it just yet.  For now, leave a comment if you have a blog you’d like to add to it.  I’m always looking for new ones to read!

My life is all about changes lately, so I felt like reflecting that here, too.  I suppose change is inevitable, but I really wish I could slow it down for just a little while.  The kids are growing up too fast and I feel like I can’t do anything but watch helplessly.  At least I still have control over what happens here!

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