Ahem. OK, calming down a little bit now.

Seriously, though, this is what I’ve been working my tail off for! All of those tests and papers and stress got me here, finally. THIS.IS.HUGE.

OK, calming down again. It’s been a big day here!

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post I was super worried about the cost of the bloodwork and shots that I would need. I was going to have to get titers drawn to prove immunity to some things, get re-vaccinated for others, have a physical. I expected all of that to cost big bucks. Unless…unless my mom could find my shot records. Since it has been a good 30 years since I had a childhood vaccination and there are other complicating factors (like my mom’s chronic illness which can cause her to be a little scattered and disorganized and several moves) I didn’t think that would ever happen. I can’t even lay my hands on my children’s shot records and they’re much younger than I am.

But guess what? She has them. All of them. And that long list of bloodwork (measles, mumps, rubella, and varicella titers) and shots (the entire series for diptheria, tetanus, and pertussis, [aka DTP) plus an extra booster [tdap] to equal 4 different shots at least a month apart and the hepatitis B series) now comes down to 3 things: varicella (chickenpox) titers to prove that I’ve had the disease since they didn’t offer the vax for that when I was a kid, the tdap booster, and the hep B series. That’s it. The cost for this is a fraction of what I was going to have to pay. I may be able to get it all done, including physical, for less than $100. I was expecting $500, if not more, for all of it! This.is.amazing.

And once again, I just needed to remember that God will give me what I need to get through this. Such a simple thing, but so, so hard to do. And I’m reminded that I’m following His call. That He is in control and will make this happen if I will place my trust in Him. It amazes me how things can look and feel so bleak one day and then the next day it works itself out beautifully. Seriously, He is a big show-off.

Thank you Lord for your many blessings. And thank you for reassuring me that I’m following your will. I don’t know why this path has been chosen for me, but I’m doing my best and I hope I honor you as I walk it. Most of all, help me to remember who is really in control here!

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And today, I got my acceptance letter. In the fall, I’ll be starting my nursing classes. Assuming, of course, that He continues to provide. Because I still have a lot of hurdles to get over before I can even start.

First up, I have to come up with $225 by March 3. This will pay for half of my uniform cost and for a ‘kit’ we’re required to get. (No idea what this ‘kit’ includes!) Don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of getting measured for uniforms that I won’t wear for another 5.5 months…I’ve lost a full size (plus some) in the last 6 weeks…I have a terrible feeling my uniform will be gigantic on me come August.

Then, by March 23, I need to have a physical and get a LOT of shots and titers. I know the health department doesn’t do some of them, so that means going to some other place that will probably cost a minimum of $500 to get it all done since I don’t have insurance. I think I can decline some (which I will) but several of them are required and unless my mom can come up with my old shot records, I’m going to have to get them all again unless I pay for titers and they prove I’m immune. I’m hoping I can simply submit a copy of the TB test I had done last summer for my CNA class…that will save about $40. I will also have to get a background check and drug screen by this date. Not worried about passing either one of those, but they’re not cheap.

Additional expenses include:

• Malpractice insurance ($20)
• Books (Approximately $1000)
• Tuition (About $600)
• Remainder of uniform cost ($100)
• Equipment ($35)
• CPR class ($70…even though I’m already certified!)

And this is just to get started in the fall…it doesn’t include ongoing tuition, book, or equipment costs. I don’t get the sense that I can just get someone’s old uniforms or that I can order my books elsewhere, but I guess I’ll find out. I’m definitely feeling a little panicky. Probably the closest I’ve come to a full blown panic attack since last fall. I am applying for scholarships so that tuition and book cost may end up being significantly reduced. I just need to find the scholarships out there to apply for, so if you know of any, please comment or send me an email (themama at iamthemama dot com) giving me the info so I can get as many scholarship applications in as possible.

In the meantime, I’m praying for God’s provision to keep me going if this is His will for my life. If you could add your prayers to mine, I’d greatly appreciate it!

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• Next week, I will apply to the nursing program at CCCC. I’m not sure I’m ready for it mentally or emotionally, much less financially, but I believe it’s something I’m being called to do and that I will manage somehow. I don’t have any idea when I’ll know whether I got in, but I already have a back-up plan in the even there aren’t enough spaces. (Though my 4.0GPA and high TEAS test score certainly make it unlikely that I’ll have any problems.)
• In 16 days (!!!16 days!!!) my baby girl will be two years old. How is that even possible? Wasn’t she just born? I can’t even believe it, much less wrap my head around the fact that she is my last baby ever and that I need to enjoy this time watching her grow up.
• In April, my husband and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. Big milestone!
• In May, my dad will have been gone for 10 years. Though I have made my peace with his death, it is still a hard time of year for me and this year will be no exception.
• Sometime this summer (June? July?) I will reach the age where I have known my husband for more than half my life. Which doesn’t seem so significant until you remember that I am only 35. The idea that one of my children could meet their future spouse at the age of 17 is a little terrifying, but it worked out well for me. We have been together (in some form or another) for over 17 years now. Wow!
• In late June, my middle child will be five years old. I remember when my oldest turned 5 it really seemed like a big step…to me, a 5 year old has truly left babyhood and is firmly into childhood. Can we just stop them from growing up for a little while?
• Then in July, my oldest son will enter the 3rd grade and my younger son will enter kindergarten. Kindergarten!?!?!? How is he old enough for that? It seems like just yesterday I was in the hospital, hoping he’d get the hang of life outside the womb so we could take him home instead of ending up at UNC. And now he’s going to kindergarten. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breaths!
• Hopefully I’ll enter a nursing program somewhere in August. Like I said, I have a back-up plan in the event that CCCC doesn’t take me but I really hope that’s not necessary!
• In October, my oldest son will be 9. One step closer to double digits, the teen years, and (eventually) leaving us. Halfway to 18, the age of legal adulthood. Where does time go?

I’m sure there’s much more that I haven’t stopped to consider. That is probably a good thing, considering how overwhelmed I feel right now! I believe that 2011 is going to be a much better year than 2010 was for us. We’ll be making positive steps towards improving our financial situation in a permanent way and marking some major milestones in our lives. I’m excited for everything that’s going to happen!

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A friend bought Christmas gifts for the children so that Santa wouldn’t forget our house this year. My mom and brother are also helping with Christmas and I am so glad that they are able and willing to do that. I’m getting into the Christmas spirit without spending any money, and when we broke the news to the kids that there wouldn’t be any gifts from mommy and daddy this year, my oldest son said “That’s okay…that’s not what Christmas is about anyway!” Wise words from an 8 year old boy. He is simply amazing.

We spent the Thanksgiving holiday in Tennessee with our families, so that was great. Right after the holiday, I found out that I made 104 on my last exam. (The only thing I missed was 1 bonus point!) I’m doing so well in my class right now, that the finals (one in lab, one in lecture) have little bearing on my grade. I still plan to study, but the pressure isn’t on to make a really good grade on the exams because I’m almost assured an A already.

And then, this week happened. And the good stuff just kept coming and any part of me that still felt dark and twisty was filled with light and hope. (Hmmmm…maybe light and hope is the opposite of dark and twisty?) Monday, my husband had a job interview. He was offered the position that night and started Tuesday morning. Awesome, right? So awesome that I didn’t even stress over finding someone to keep the kids so I could do the school stuff I needed to do this week because I just knew it would work out somehow.

And it did! My BFF (one of them was able to keep Violet for me on Wednesday while I went to school and had my last lab of the semester and took another exam. Violet did wonderfully…much better than me! I was a nervous wreck. I knew that she would be well taken care of, but I worried that she would have separation anxiety or be scared or upset. Of course, she did fine and had a great time!

And then yesterday, I was scheduled to take my TEAS test — the entrance exam for nursing. My friend came over here and kept my 2 youngest kids while I went over to school and took the exam that was my final hurdle before applying to the nursing program. I had to make a 70 to qualify and it was a very difficult test. Luckily there was no waiting afterwards…the computer scores it immediately and they let you know right away what you made. The good news is that I passed with flying colors! I made a 91.2, which is in the 99th percentile. Pretty awesome, I think!

Then when I got home, I found out that the cleaning fairy had made a visit to my house. My awesome friend had cleaned the playroom, putting up all of the toys and even sweeping! My house has been so neglected over the last few weeks that the place is just a wreck. I feel like I’m living in an episode of Hoarders…it is really awful. But that one little area being clean has taken a lot of stress off of me and given me the motivation to really get this house whipped into shape! So much so, that I have already been to the grocery store, made dinner (taco soup), done a load of dishes, and mopped my kitchen/dining/playroom (it’s all in one gigantic room, along with my office) this morning.

And I feel great. The job won’t pull us out of this situation. It’s only part-time, but it’s flexible enough that I can continue school and he can continue real estate. I’m hopeful that I’ll get a job very soon that will help put us back in a better position. Keep praying, but know that there are good things happening and I’m grateful for everyone who has thought of us in the last few months!

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Next up is the TEAS test. I plan to do that this month and once I’ve passed it, I think I’ve done everything I need to do before applying in January. Assuming I’m accepted, I’ll be starting nursing classes in the fall! I can hardly believe I’ve made it this far…just a few years ago this seemed like such a huge dream and now I’m almost there.

Of course the ultimate dream is still about two and a half years away. If all goes well, I’ll graduate in May of 2013 which seems like a million years away right now. Of course, this point seemed a million years away when I decided to go back to school so maybe it’s not as far as it seems!

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