Get your mind out of the gutter…this is not *that* kind of fantasy! I was fantasizing about what I’d do with a $40 Target gift card, thanks to @MomalomJen‘s question on Twitter. I know what I should get. Food, toilet paper, paper towels. We’ve got plenty of food in the house, but we’re out of the staples. Sugar, coffee, string cheese, graham crackers, breakfast bars…all things we use daily. And we’ve gone through our (rather large) stash of coupon-purchased paper supplies, too. We need a lot of things.
What would I want, though? That’s easy.
- Bare Escentuals Mineral Veil. At $19, it’s expensive but it’s the only type of make-up I can use without truly horrendous break-outs.
- Shampoo. Garnier Fructis Body Boost is my favorite brand and I’ve run out of the ones I got with coupons so I’ve been using other brands. I don’t know whether it’s the shampoo or just my perception, but my hair sucks lately and I miss my good shampoo.
- Lip gloss. No idea what brand or color, but a new, fun, pretty lip gloss for fall.
- If there’s any $$$ left over, I’d head straight to the candy aisle for some good chocolate. I’ve been craving it and hate to spend my money on something that is a) unncessary and b) will make me fat. Seems silly, right? So I suffer in (mostly) silence and deal with my chocolate cravings by having some water or an apple. But I do miss my chocolate!
Simple things. Small things. Things that I didn’t think twice about getting myself in the era I now call ‘before’ in my head.
It’s funny, though. When I look back at ‘before’ I think about how unhappy I was. Going way back, I was unhappy because I wasn’t married. Then because I thought I couldn’t have kids. Then because I couldn’t get pregnant again. Then because I got pregnant when I wasn’t sure I wanted to be. Some of these things I was more unhappy about than others, obviously. (I got over that unexpected pregnancy pretty quickly once it sunk in and I was thrilled, as you might recall.) Needless to say, that’s a lot of unhappiness. And in examining myself, poking and prodding the recesses of my brain to figure out how I feel I realize that I’m not unhappy now. I’m no longer depressed, a problem that was very real for me for many years. I’m happy now. That may surprise some people. I know I can be kind of dark, but I’m truly happy. Stressed, yes. Anxious, oh yeah. Unhappy? No. Absolutely not.
There are a lot of things I don’t have. But the things I do have? My husband, my kids, my friends, and love…they are all I need to make me happy. I may not have lip gloss and chocolate, but I’ve got the important things. I’m endlessly thankful for that.
Though I wouldn’t turn down a $40 Target gift card! 
