Just a glimmer right now, but getting bigger every minute. Tonight is my last night of class. I still have to be there for several more weeks, but no more class time after tonight. Tomorrow night is my final. Then next week we have proficiency testing, followed by 2 weeks of clinicals, and finally one more week of mock testing. It sounds like a lot, but the hardest part is over with now. By the end of August, I will (assuming I pass the state test) be a certified NA1 in the state of North Carolina. One more step on the path to being an RN.
Last night we talked about death and dying, with information on hospice care. I have always said that hospice takes a special kind of person. I don’t think I could do it. What I originally intended to do was labor and delivery or postpartum care and eventually become a lactation consultant. I love the idea of being present when new life begins, of helping moms have the births they want, and helping women succeed in breastfeeding. My birth experiences were not what I would have picked given the choice. My first was especially terrifying…nobody wants to have a stat c-section. I felt like it was chaotic and I had no control over what was going on. I’m not a control freak (at least I don’t think I am!) but feeling like I had zero control was really scary. Though my subsequent c-sections were better (and in an odd way, healing) I’d love to experience birth in a more natural way, even if I’m not the one giving birth. And considering the utter disaster breastfeeding was with my first child, I’d love to help women avoid that. I’ve kind of experienced the gamut there…from a child who absolutely refused the breast and we never got it worked out, to one who was a slow starter but ultimately we were able to have a very successful nursing relationship, to one who was a natural from the first moment she was offered the breast. I think my experiences will allow me to be a great cheerleader, but sympathetic to those who are struggling and understanding of those who ultimately choose to go with formula.
BUT. There is this thing happening to me. People are telling me, out of the blue, that they think I’d be a fantastic hospice nurse. People who have had family members or friends in hospice care, who know what qualities a hospice nurse needs. These people keep telling me I should consider hospice. I think they’re crazy. Like, certifiably insane. What do they see in me that makes them think this? Not just one or two people, either. It has happened several times now when the discussion of what type of nurse I’d like to be comes up. I usually say that I’d love to do L&D, but that surgery also appeals to me. And they squint, cock their head at me, and say “You know what I think you’d be great at? Hospice!” Dying people? Going to work every day and being reminded of the horror of my father’s death from cancer does not appeal to me in the least.
And again, BUT. Why do I keep hearing this? Obviously, someone is trying to tell me something. And I’m not entirely sure that I would trust someone who says they think they’re well-suited for hospice care. Perhaps I need to consider the possibility that I’m being called into this type of care. For now, that’s really all I can do. I don’t need to make a decision on this for quite a while…graduation is still three years away. But for now I’m keeping my mind open and listening to the signs. I’m prepared for anything.
