Guilt trip, that is. Between the massive amounts of time I spend in class or preparing for class, the short summer break for my oldest son (he gets about 5 weeks because he’s in year-round school), and the fact that my middle child starts full time preschool in the fall, I am trying my hardest to do fun things and spend lots of time with the kids. The boys are fast asleep by the time I get home every night and I feel like the worst mother in the world for not being here to eat dinner with my family. Not to mention the time spent away from them all.
The guilt is crazy-making…and the worst part of all? It is completely self-inflicted. My friends haven’t been negative, my husband is completely supportive, and I hate to say it, but I think the kids enjoy having daddy all to themselves for a few hours. And I know lots of women who work outside the home and are wonderful mothers, so I know simply being away from them for a few hours a day isn’t making me become this horrible person. So what is it that makes me feel this way?
I wish I knew. Wish I could track down the reason for I have for feeling this way. It’s causing me to have lots of other stress-related issues, like sending me into panic attack mode (literally) when someone asks me to add something to my schedule. I’m having at least 2-3 a week right now and I’m fairly certain that anxiety is playing a part with the blood sugar issues, which are continuing. I never would have believed the two went hand-in-hand but something told me to google the two terms together and lo and behold, there is a connection. So now I need to figure out how to deal with this without the benefit of a doctor or drugs.
Once again, I find my self counting down…until the day my oldest returns to school, the day I finish my class (and the day I pass my state licensing exam), and the day my middle child starts preschool. By then, I’ll have a new set of things to stress about…my fall class, a job (I hope!), and God only knows what else.
For right now though, all 3 are napping or resting, I have nothing I need to do before class tonight, and there’s a library book calling my name. The guilt is at bay for a few moments and I have peace.
Tina
June 16, 2010 at 3:04 pm
((hugs)) It’s tough. I think all moms have guilt…working moms have guilt for being away from their kids, sahms have guilt about not contributing to the family finances…it’s never easy. Just know that you’re doing what is best for you and your family even if for right now that means being away from them for classes and such.