Last decade was pivotal for me.  It’s the decade in which I truly became an adult, a wife, and a mother.  I lost my father to cancer, moved away from my hometown and family and then moved to 2 more places.  Bought and sold multiple houses.  Learned a lot, laughed a lot, loved a lot.  It had it’s good and it’s bad for sure, but overall it has been the best decade of my life yet.

The first pivotal moment of the decade was probably my engagement…October 7, 2000.  My wedding day was exactly 6 months later on April 7, 2001.  We’d found out just days before the wedding that my dad had terminal lung cancer (after months of failed diagnoses) and I suggested holding off a few months until things were a little less dramatic, but nobody would hear of it.  People were coming from out of town, everything was paid for already.  It was better to go ahead.  Nobody said it but we all thought it…if I didn’t do it then my dad wouldn’t be there.

So we went ahead.  I had my portraits done a few days before the wedding.  Afterwards, I went to the hospital, still in my dress and hair and make-up all done.  We wanted to be sure my daddy saw me in case he didn’t get to the wedding.  People stared.  They asked questions.  When we explained, the pity in their eyes was painful.

The weather on my wedding day was beautiful.  Warm, sunny…it was exactly what I’d hoped for.  My dad was released from the hospital for the festivities and was able to walk me down the aisle and give me away.  He was wearing house slippers, but he was there and I’m pretty sure nobody realized or cared what was on his feet.  He forgot to lift my veil before he sat down and so I was behind it for the entire ceremony.  I liked it that way, though.  It kept me calm for some reason.  Fully involved but slightly removed from it all.  When my brand new husband lifted it to kiss me at the end, it felt very symbolic.

At the reception my parents danced.  I’m sure I’ve shared this here before, but I stood in a corner and sobbed.  I think everyone in the room was teary-eyed….even the caterers.  We all knew it would be the last time they danced together.  It was so hard to watch.  I was beginning my married life and my parent’s was coming to an end, not because of divorce or something that made sense, but because of cancer.  A cancer that had moved so fast and so quietly that he had less than 6 weeks from diagnosis to death.  It seemed so wrong and so incredibly unfair.

When it came time for us to leave, I asked my mom where the bubbles were.  I was working and hadn’t had a chance to go pick them up.  I’d asked her to do it for me but she forgot in the midst of everything else.  There were a few moments of panic but the caterers came to our rescue with huge bowls of rice.  The whole evening was absolutely beautiful and perfect, considering the circumstances.  The memories are bittersweet but it was right.  The events surrounding that time of my life are painful but in the middle of it all I married the man I’d loved for over 7 years in an absolutely beautiful and perfect ceremony.  It was such a blessing in that difficult period of time.

Filed under: A Decade Remembered, Family, Me Stuff