People who know me well can look at my hands and get a general idea of my stress levels. When I’m worried or anxious I pick at the skin around my fingernails. When things get really bad, they start to resemble bloody stumps as I gnaw at the fingernails and pick at the skin until it bleeds and scabs over. And then I pick at the scabs. (I’m sorry, that’s really disgusting isn’t it? Raw honesty here!) They pretty much look like bloody stumps right now, and have for about a year and a half. It’s completely unconscious and the people who love me and aren’t afraid to criticize me a little bit because of it (i.e., my husband and my mom) will point it out if they catch me doing it. I’m embarrassed by it, but I can’t stop. I could probably take a really good anti-anxiety drug but so far nothing I’ve tried stops it completely…except for getting acrylic tips and keeping them maintained. I know that acrylic turns a lot of people off, but I like to think I keep them short and tasteful. The thin layer of acrylic just keeps them strong so I can’t break them. No airbrush designs or any bling…just the hands I’d have if my anxiety levels weren’t constantly through the roof.
Obviously regular manicures are out of the question. It’s just not in the budget. But what I wouldn’t give to have a one year pass to a salon, to get anything I wanted done to my nails whenever I wanted it. After many years of feeling fat and dumpy I’m starting to feel pretty again…if not for those pesky bloody stumps I have for fingers.
