Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 19th child. Which bothers me in ways it shouldn’t…I hate when people judge me because I have more than the average 2.3 children. I think people should be able to have any number of children they want as long as they can care for them. So why did I get so upset?
I’m jealous. Do I want 19 kids of my own? Absolutely not. But there was a time, not so long ago, when I thought I might not have any children. And then, there was all of the stuff I went through to have my second child. And that bitterness lives on. Infertility and miscarriage isn’t something I’ve put behind me even though I have declared myself done having children. Even though the little girl currently napping in her crib was the #3 we always hoped for but certainly never expected to be surprised with. Even though we now have everything we ever wanted for our family. And I am not sure I will ever get over that pain, remembering what it was like when someone announced their pregnancy…or even better, “forgot” to announce it to me because they wanted to spare me the pain and then sent me a mass e-mail announcing the sex of the baby. I even had a mini-breakdown when I heard Britney Spears was pregnant…after all, I was doing everything right. I was in a stable relationship, I was a good mom to the child I had, I was settled down, yada yada yada. It seemed so unfair and it was a very dark time in my life.
And truthfully, I’d still have more. If I could provide for them. If we had family locally who could pitch in and help now and then. If I thought my uterus would hold up. If pregnancy wasn’t so miserable. There are many reasons why I’ve decided I don’t want any more, yet if everything fell into place just right I’d do it again. My children are a huge blessing to me. A joy every day, even with the difficulties of teething, potty training, and homework rebellion. And if it “just happened” we’d muddle through and be thrilled to pieces to have another little person in our family. But for so many reasons I’ve set my limit at 3 and I’m mourning that just a little bit as I watch my last baby grow up.
From what I’ve seen, the Duggars are great parents. Michelle and Jim Bob are both patient, loving, and involved. They have the means to take care of their family without resorting to government aid (which is more than I can say for myself at this moment in time) and their children are all respectful and well-behaved. Sure, they do things I don’t personally agree with, but so do some of my friends. I don’t judge them because they do the things that work for their family, so why the visceral reaction to the Duggars? It’s jealousy, plain and simple.
I’m going to put my green-eyed monster away and just be happy for them. Because I do agree with them on one point…every child is a blessing who deserves to be loved.
