Today is the day I can log in to Blackboard and start my fall classes. On tap this semester is a math class and a computer class. I’m no math whiz, but I have always been able to get through with an A or B. (Except pre-calc…I got a low C and was just thrilled I didn’t fail completely. Still don’t understand the concepts.) And computers…well, clearly I’m comfortable with those.
And yet, when I logged in this morning and read the syllabi (syllabuses?) I started having a panic attack. And just in case this doesn’t sound familiar to you, I assure you it happened last semester, too. When I read about writing papers! and taking tests! I had the OMG, why did I think I could do this??? panic attack and almost withdrew right then and there.
We all know how that one turned out, though. If you don’t, you can go back to this post and see. Yeah, there was no reason to worry. But the Fear and Self-Doubt are back and compounded by the “I budgeted money for books but then had to pay to get the car fixed and thought I could do without them but looks like I can’t” problem. I need to come up with about $200 (and yes, I checked other sources to see if I could get them cheaper…not by much, and then I have to pay shipping) or pray that someone on FreeCycle has some they can offer me. God has provided before and I believe He will again, but the worry of that and everything else has had my heart pounding and my stomach rolling all morning long.
When I called my husband and proceeded to tell him that there was a final exam that I have to take on campus WITHOUT the book and that I hadn’t done math in over 10 years and there was NO WAY I could pass this class, he (I assume, because I know him so well!) rolled his eyes and said “Don’t you have an entire semester to learn how to do this stuff before the final?” Um, yeah…I guess I do.
Let the learning commence. It’s a new semester!