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Archive for July, 2009

Formula won’t kill her, right?

15 Jul

Yes, I know it won’t.  My first child was almost 100% formula fed, so it’s not like I have anything against it.  My second son didn’t have any at all, and we’ve tried it with the princess when they were all over me about her weight gain, but she just wasn’t interested.  But tonight I’m going out (to see the new HP movie, YAY!!!) and my boobs just won’t cooperate with the pump.  I have just enough for a small bottle, but that is probably not going to be enough because I’ll be away from her from 5PM, when my husband takes the kids to swimming lessons, until at least 10PM when the movie’s over.  So I pulled out a sample bottle of ready to feed formula from my pantry, just in case.  I know it won’t hurt her, but it makes me feel guilty for some strange reason!

And speaking of what to feed her, she’ll be 6 months old Monday and that means it’s time to start solids!  I can’t believe she’s been in my world for 6 months already.  Time flies when you’re having fun putting gigantic bows on baby’s heads. ;)

 
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Posted in Parenting

 

Playing Favorites

15 Jul

As moms, we’re not supposed to have a favorite child.  And I think it’s safe to say that most good moms don’t.  But a little old lady came up to me the other day and said something that made me reconsider my stance on favorites…she said that her family was like mine, 2 boys and then a girl.  She said that her daughter was her favorite, because she has a bond with her that she could never have with the boys.  I can certainly understand the bond part, but I think I lost her message in the “favorite” part.  Until I started thinking about this a little more…

My oldest son is my favorite because he was my first.  He made me a mother for the first time, something the other children will never be able to do.  He was my only child for almost 4 years, and for a long time we thought he would be an only child forever.  He’s handsome and articulate and smart and dramatic and there is nobody else like him in the world.  He has a beautiful personality and delights everyone he meets.  I could not ask for more!

But my second son is my favorite because he was long awaited and such a sweet little soul when he finally arrived.  He brought joy back into my life after I thought all hope was lost.  He gave me my much needed second chance at getting things right…having control over my birth, attempting (and succeeding at) breastfeeding again, and giving me the opportunity to enjoy being a mom rather than being terrified that everything I was doing was wrong.

And my daughter is my favorite because she was such a profound blessing.  I never expected to have another one and I really never thought I’d have a little girl.  I wanted to, but I wasn’t prepared to go through all of the injections and procedures again.  She has been an absolute delight and I never stop feeling incredibly grateful for her presence in my life.  She’s the one who made me feel complete for the first time in my life and she’s added the final piece to the puzzle of our family.

I had to admit to myself that I have favorites, too.  Perhaps not in the sense that one of my children is favored above all the others, but favorites nonetheless.  They are each different and I can’t wait to see what kind of people they grow up to be.  How lucky am I to be the mama to these 3 fabulous children?

 
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Posted in Me Stuff, Parenting

 

Blah.

10 Jul

Today’s mail bore bad news.  I knew that tuition went up, but getting that bill for $302 hurt.  A lot!  I am going to have to go on a monthly payment plan this semester, something I didn’t want to do.  Because my biggest fear is that there will be a month where we can’t make the payment…and then what?  It’s a level of stress I could have done without.

And then I start looking at my junk mail.  Because I like to torture myself with advertisements for things I desperately want but cannot buy.  Like the Dell laptops that are super-duper cheap.  They have a netbook for $399.  even better, an Inspiron 15 for $479.  And they come in pink.  PINK!  I totally need a pink laptop.  At this point I’d settle for the itty bitty netbook, because it is SO hard for me to do school work at this computer.  The children are constantly running in and out of the room because there’s no way to block it off and the chaos makes it impossible for me to concentrate.  And by the time they go to bed, I’m so fried that I don’t feel like I can do what I need to do.  Right now it is not a huge problem (obviously, since I’m rocking my psych class) but when I start algebra in the fall, then bio and chem at the same time in the spring, it is NOT going to work.

I really try not to complain here…considering our situation, it is a miracle that we are still surviving, much less able to afford tuition!  Sometimes it really gets me down and I just want to pull the big drama queen move and quit because I can’t have it easy.  Ridiculous and immature, but it really reminds me just how hard it is to better yourself if you haven’t been given a lot of opportunities.  I don’t qualify for financial aid despite the fact that we are below the poverty line right now.  I don’t have money to pay for a babysitter so I can go to class, nor do I have family locally who can help with the kids.  Most people in my situation wouldn’t have the money for a computer to do distance education, so if they didn’t already have one they’d be unable to do that.  It is so easy to sit back and talk about how easy people have it here in the US, how much opportunity there is out there for everyone.  The truth is it’s NOT that easy.  I know I won’t be quite so quick to judge people in the future.  The last 12+ months have taught me a lesson in humility that I won’t soon forget!

 
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Posted in Back to School, Me Stuff, Rambling

 

Making some hard decisions…

07 Jul

I have been faithful to the running plan, going 3 times a week for a couple of months now.  But I am now stuck at a point that I can’t get past…because of leg pain, because of the heat and humidity, because my asthma is flaring…I have so many excuses.  But the truth is that I spent a lot of time researching last night and came to the realization that running may need to be put on hold until I get some more weight off to save my joints.  I am in pain almost all of the time now, in both legs, from the knee all the way down to the foot.  I read a lot of websites that told me pain like that is trying to tell me something and that I need to listen to my body.  I did some serious soul searching over it, but in the end I concluded that my weight is causing this joint pain and that the best thing to do *right now* is to work harder on getting that weight off so I’ll be in a better position to pick running back up.

So I’ve formulated a new plan…30 minutes of elliptical (or some other form of cardio) on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  I may run some of those days, but I need to limit that until I see a good weight change.  Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays will be yoga and strength training.  I’ve got the Wii Fit for this and am hoping I can afford some more of the Wii fitness type games soon so I can switch it up a little bit.  And once I’ve hit my first weight loss goal (I’m about 10 pounds away now.) then I’ll go back to running C25K.

I admit I shed a few tears over this.  I feel like I’m giving up, even though I know I’m not.  The good news is that I am now in a good routine of working out and I don’t think it will be hard to keep it up.  I’m hoping that in a month or so I can say I’ve hit my first weight loss goal and can get back to it!

 
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Posted in Couch to 5K, Health, Me Stuff

 

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06 Jul

Wife.  Mother.  Student.  Teacher.  Employee.  Volunteer.  Friend.  Daughter.  Sister.  Runner.  Blogger.  There are a million more I could add.  Lately I don’t seem to be doing any of them well, if at all!  I am so overwhelmed by all of my responsibilities that my wants (like running and blogging) are not getting the time they deserve.  I’m also exhausted by the terrible insomnia that I’ve been dealing with over the last few weeks.  I feel like a zombie and I know I’m not handling any of my responsibilities (especially being a good friend!) well.  I feel slow and stupid most days, like my brain is on vacation.  It’s frustrating for me.

The good news is that there are only 2 weeks of summer vacation left for my oldest, so we’ll be home more.  I’ve put a lot of effort into packing his short break full of fun things to do and that has taken up a lot of my time.  Not that I don’t do fun things with the little kids, but I don’t feel the need to do so much in such a short period of time with them.  Our days are a bit more laid back when their older brother is in school.  Plus I’ll be homeschooling my middle child this year (there’s always a lot of learning going on, but this will be a bit more formal since we can’t afford preschool for him like we did with my oldest) and that will be good for at least a few hours a week where we can hang around the house and just relax and have fun while we learn colors, shapes, letters, numbers, etc.

Tonight, I am neglecting my running in order to blog.  I’ll hop onto the elliptical and give myself a good workout, but it’s not quite the same.  There is something about hitting that track or greenway and just running…for 30 minutes, I have no other responsibilities.  The only thing I have to do is move my legs and arms and listen to some tunes.

I haven’t worked for over a week.  I just can’t force myself to do it.  I need to go schedule a few shifts so that I can get back into a routine with it, but it seems to be the thing that’s really gotten neglected lately.  Something we can’t afford, especially considering tuition just went up by 20% (*gasp*) and I only had a month’s notice to come up with the money for it.  I guess a netbook isn’t in my future anytime soon…which is a shame, because I could really use it with the school and work stuff!

The one thing that I feel like I’m really excelling at (which is funny, because I’m honestly not putting as much effort into it as I could!) is my psychology class.  Right now, I could blow off several of the upcoming assignments and still get an A.  I won’t, but it’s nice to know that I can if I need to.  I am more determined than ever to finish school and become a nurse.  Doing so well in this class has really given me the confidence that I needed to convince myself that I can do this, even while I’m saddled with so many labels that contain so many responsibilities!

 
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Posted in Back to School, Couch to 5K, Family, Me Stuff

 
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