I was going to skip the asthma stuff again and talk about the death of Michael Jackson.  But what is there to say?  I was really overwhelmed with the news earlier today but realized that “my” Michael Jackson is long gone.  He had gotten way too creepy over the last 10 years or so and was certainly not the pop idol he once was.  So, while I hope he has found the peace he seemed to be seeking in life but never found, I am moving on to a topic that *really* affects my life and that of my family.

Last Friday night, Baby V developed an absolutely terrible cough.  She was having trouble catching her breath after the fits were over and it sounded terrible, as if she was choking.  Being the paranoid freakazoid that I am, I was googling pertussis, reading up on the symptoms, and trying to find sound clips to see if that’s what she had.  Some of the clips sounded similar, so I proceeded to really start freaking out.  I considered going straight to the ER but decided to simply call for a sick appointment with the pediatrician the next morning.  She’d been vaccinated for pertussis, so that decreases the likelihood quite a bit.  Plus she’d had hives the previous Sunday and I managed to convince myself that it was much more likely that this was the residual effects of a bad allergic reaction of some sort.

So Saturday morning we get to the doctor’s office and I hear the dreaded news: asthma.  This is not something new for our family.  I have asthma, though it’s not bad unless I over-exert, and even then I’m fine unless it’s very hot or very cold or the air quality is bad.  My oldest son was diagnosed right around his 3rd birthday, so I’ve dealt with his breathing problems for several years now.  I suspect my younger son has it also, but again, I’m used to dealing with an older child who has it.  And of course I knew that her having reflux greatly increases her risk for asthma…but I wasn’t at all prepared to get that diagnosis the day she turned 5 months old!  I have managed to scare myself to the point that I can’t sleep at night.  I have terrible insomnia because I’m afraid she’s going to stop breathing in her sleep.  When I do finally close my eyes out of simple exhaustion, my sleep is plagued with nightmares of babies who have stopped breathing and I’m desperately trying to remember the steps for infant CPR, only to have them die in my arms.  Completely irrational, but incredibly terrifying.

I think my fear stems from the fact that we weren’t given a nebulizer or told to do breathing treatments.  Instead, I was told to use my oldest son’s inhaler with the spacer and pediatric mask on her occasionally if the coughing/choking gets too bad.  I’m not at all comfortable with this plan for a reason I just can’t put my finger on.  Maybe because it feels very reactive and I’d prefer to be proactive?  Plus I’ve never heard of anyone using an inhaler on a baby, much less one that belongs to somebody else.  I think it’s strange but since I’m not a doctor I am trying to simply trust our pediatrician.

Her cough is improving, slowly.  The hives were gone within 24 hours and we think it was a reaction to the fabric softener my mom uses.  She won’t be using it again on anything Baby V would be exposed to so I am glad that won’t be a problem.  But who’s to say there won’t be other places where this could happen…the church nursery where someone washes their clothes in something that makes her sick, a friend’s house where the house is cleaned with something she’s allergic to, or any number of situations that could result in another bad reaction.  It makes me more and more thankful that I’ve made the effort to reduce our dependence on harsh commercial cleaners and try to go with things that are natural.  Unfortunately I can’t protect her from the rest of the world, which is perhaps the hardest thing about this whole situation.  It’s something I’ve known for a long time but the lesson has really been brought home over the last week.  Even if the hives were unrelated to the later respiratory problems, it’s not something I’ve ever had to deal with before in a child this young.  Yes, I freak out if someone smokes around my kids…but now I’m worrying about things like perfumes, cleaning products, and other things that most people don’t have a second thought about.  And it’s (literally) crazy-making.

Mama needs a Xanax.

Filed under: Health, News/Current Events, Parenting