Last year on Mother’s Day, I had absolutely no idea that I’d have a 3 1/2 month old baby this Mother’s Day. I was already pregnant at the time but didn’t know it. Well, let’s say I may have had an inkling by that point but was in deep, deep denial that it was even possible! I thought it would be fun to read over what was going on in my life this time last year. I relived the joy of both boys having pneumonia, which was happening right at the time I got pregnant. (How we managed that, I’ll never know!) Then I read this entry, where I insist I’m not pregnant, despite some very convincing symptoms. The very next day was the day my oldest fell and busted his head open literally at the moment I was telling him to stop what he was doing so he wouldn’t bust his head open.
That was also the day I found out I was pregnant. By that point I knew *something* was definitely up, but I’d managed to convince myself I was imagining things. But that day was awful. Watching your child fall and get an injury like that, then watching them get stitches is incredibly scary. Add to that the fact that I’d been single parenting all week because my husband was out of town for work and I had reached my limit. After getting Jackson stitched up, all I wanted to do was go home and have a good stiff drink or 3. Because I was single parenting, I figured something a little less intoxicating was in order. I was out of Mike’s Hard Lemonade (my beverage of choice) so I headed to Walmart to get some and decided to pick up dinner on the way home.
Only once I got to WM, I remembered that something was a bit “off” and knew I needed to be sure I wasn’t pregnant before I had anything to drink. So I bought a 2 pack of pregnancy tests and headed home to pee on them.
It was a good thing I did, because the thing had a line practically the minute I got the wrapper off of it. It was pretty obvious immediately that I was knocked up. After my brain registered this, I decided I must be seeing things. In all of my years trying to get pregnant (or trying not to!) I’d NEVER had a line come up that fast and dark. So I did what any sane woman would do…I scanned it and posted the picture to a message board and asked if I was seeing things. Apparently, pregnancy causes temporary insanity.
Once I was reassured that I was not actually seeing things, I called my husband. I was determined not to tell him but he could tell something was wrong. Smart as he is, he knew it wasn’t just the head busting open and stitches episode, and I blurted it out, only to be met with stunned silence. And then I burst into tears. Because I wasn’t sure I was ready for another baby. Because I never expected it to be so damn easy. Because I was terrified and thrilled and a million other emotions that just couldn’t be held back any longer. I look back on that day and realize how scared I was, and how amazing it has turned out to be, and it’s all the sweeter because it was such a huge surprise!
What a gift these 3 children are. They’ve made me a mother and shaped the woman I am today. They’ve brought me a contentment that I never realized I could find and made me learn things about myself that I never would have believed a few years ago. And though they often drive me crazy, I know that at the end of the day I can tiptoe into their rooms and just breathe in their peacefulness and remember that these days won’t last forever. Those angelic faces will one day lock me out of their rooms at night, then move away and make their own lives. But for now they are all mine and I couldn’t be happier about that. Today is a day for honoring mothers, but I feel like I should be paying tribute to my kids because they are the ones who made me a mom in the first place. Thank you Jackson, Colin, and Violet for giving me the amazing opportunity to mother you.
