Violet is occasionally sleeping 3-4 hours at a time now, so we’re getting less sleep deprived as we a) get used to it and b) she is going longer stretches. I have to admit that I’ve already broken my resolution of not allowing her to sleep with us, though. I’ve just been too tired to really make the effort to move her back to the cradle every time after she’s done nursing…mainly because I’ve usually fallen asleep by the time she finishes! I did start out trying to sit up and nurse her, but it was hard on my back and I was falling asleep anyway. At least laying down is more comfortable, even if it means she sleeps with us some.
In addition to her, our toddler is occasionally joining us during the night. I often wake up with a baby on one side of me and Colin on the other. It’s a good thing we have a king size, because 2 adults plus 2 kids equals a very full bed! At least the toddler has now learned that he can’t sleep sideways in the bed. He used to sleep with his head on me and his feet on his daddy, which was very uncomfortable for us, even with a king size bed.
People always seem shocked when I mention that we allow our kids to sleep with us if they need it. I’ve had people tell me they would end up divorced if they did this. (If your marriage couldn’t survive that, you have way bigger issues than kids in the bed, I think.) I’ve had people say they’ll never sleep in their own bed. (Untrue. Our toddler slept nowhere BUT our bed for a long time and he’s usually fine in his own bed. With a new baby in the house, he’s probably feeling the need to reconnect with mommy and daddy whenever and however he can.) I’ve had people ask how we manage to have, um, “alone time” with a kid in our bed all the time. (Really, is that any of your business?) I’m always shocked at just how black and white this issue is for people.
The truth is, my husband and I both need a lot of sleep to function. For us the answer to this is co-sleeping when the need arises. Our 6 year old hasn’t joined us in the bed in years, so it’s obviously not something that will continue forever unless we encourage it. He knows he’s welcome if he needs us for some reason, but unless he’s sick he usually sleeps in his own bed, by himself. If one of our kids is sick, has a nightmare, or just needs the closeness we’re happy to meet their needs…and this way, we aren’t compromising our needs. They’re little for such a short period of time and this is a really minor sacrifice.
Before anyone starts saying that it’s unsafe I want to point out that it can be if you are willing to make some changes. If you or your bed partner uses drugs or alcohol, sleeps very heavily, or are significantly overweight then it is dangerous. You should either put the mattress on the floor or use a bedrail to prevent the baby from falling off the bed. Remove pillows, blankets, comforters, etc. Ask Dr Sears has a good article that details some of the benefits of co-sleeping (reduced risk of SIDS, for one) as well as listing guidelines for doing so safely. Worth a read, even if you think you’d never share a bed with your kids! At the very least, you’ll learn something new.
Emily
February 3, 2009 at 12:02 am
I always tried so hard to stay awake while nursing and it would scare me when I would wake up and realize the baby was still there (our dogs also sleep with us so I didn’t think it was safe to have the baby sleeping there too!). They aren’t going to want to sleep in your bed forever – I say enjoy it! There isn’t much that is sweeter than a sleeping child snuggled up to you. Leah wet her bed the other day and I asked Ed if it was wrong that I was a little excited that that meant I was going to get to snuggle with her.