How do I avoid becoming “that mom” but manage to be assertive? This is a question that’s been on my mind since yesterday, when we made the 2nd trip to the pediatrician in 2 weeks for my oldest son. The first time was after he’d woken up vomiting in the night and couldn’t even keep down Tylenol or Emetrol for more than 15 seconds. I knew something was wrong, but didn’t assert myself and we were kind of blown off. I suspected pneumonia again because his symptoms were so similar (including the vomiting, which is what alarmed me) but that was ruled out because of his lack of fever at the time.
So we left, feeling a little annoyed, but trusting that he was OK. We had some recommendations to deal with his other symptoms which we’ve been using religiously. But he didn’t get better. Over Thanksgiving, his cough and other symptoms were remarked on several times by our families and I felt like I was being criticized for not taking good care of him…I know that wasn’t their intention, but it really bothered me. Because we had been to the doctor. We had done everything we were told. So I felt a little helpless and I despise feeling that way.
Then Monday he was running on the playground at school which sent him into a coughing fit and caused him to vomit mucus. There was no note sent home with this information, so I am having to go by what he told me happened. And then yesterday his teacher called at lunchtime and asked us to come get him because he wasn’t feeling well and suggested we take him to the doctor. Ironically, we already had an appointment scheduled because I knew things weren’t getting better. But again, I felt criticized and like I had somehow screwed up.
So we go to the doctor and this time came home with 3 prescriptions. He has a sinus infection. I know he probably didn’t 2 weeks ago but he was well on his way at that point and I feel like more should have done to prevent it from getting to that point. I had sinus infections frequently when we were living in South Carolina so I know he had to feel pretty bad but not once did he complain about anything other than queasiness.
So I know I screwed up by not asserting myself more at that first appointment and insisting that we come up with a better plan to manage the symptoms. But how do I strike the balance between being assertive and being the mom everyone in the office hates to see? I know there must be some way to do it but I haven’t figured it out in the 6 years I’ve been a parent. True, he didn’t have a lot of health issues for the first 3 years of his life. And it’s only gotten bad in the last couple of years, so I haven’t really had to figure this out until now. It seems like all of motherhood is a delicate balancing act, so why is this one so hard for me?
Kelly
December 3, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I’ve had to deal with this, too. I suggest you just take a deep breath and insist that his pediatrician (or the teacher, etc) take your concerns more seriously – or you’ll find a new caregiver or school. Believe me, they start to dance to a different tune. You don’t have to be mean about, just say “I feel that you aren’t listening to me and I may have to find a doctor who will” in a nice, concerned tone. Good luck! Being a mom is the toughest job around.
Shannon
December 3, 2008 at 8:48 pm
I live with this nightmare daily-it seems. Both kids have had their share of illnesses. Macy has had strep and pneumonia this fall. I am really suprised that is it thus far. Kade is always sick and to the point where I am very concerned about him. Because no one here takes new patients unless they are newborns (at least the “good” ones), I had to resort to a family Dr. to run test today. I am scared, but in a way releaved that we are at least going to see if there is anything seriously wrong, or if it is just “bad genes”. I feel for you. Their Dr. always says, “oh it is viral” which leads to pneumonia. Then they are so sick by the time he treats them. Kade went to the Dr. 6 weeks in a row, skiped last week, but was put on Bactim per phone call and saw two Dr.’s today. Their Dr. says I should homeschool. I just about kick him and told him to stay home with his 4 girls and grandson! Get real, just listen to the parents, they know their child best!!! And as for family and friends comments, they have no idea what kind of anxiety sick kids cause us parents(although they were there once, they seem to forget).
Melissa
December 4, 2008 at 2:03 am
Melissa here
I’m so sorry, it is a tough balancing act. It sucks that we have to be our kids’ own best advocate, constantly. I will tell ya that I had severe bacterial pneumonia almost 2 yrs ago and went to the doctor’s 3 times and was sent home 3 times. When I finally was hospitalized, I was constantly told “this has been sitting for a long time” and made to feel like an idiot for not having it treated sooner. I felt really let down by the medical community, big time, something I will always rememeber. And, while I was so incredibly sick, I don’t think I ever had a major fever, so there goes that theory! Anyway, I would just listen to your mommy gut and don’t let anyone tell you what you feel in your heart.